"I Love you but love her too"....WHAT?

[Notlikingthis]

Kml, caigy, I ended up going to see the house and it isn't a dump or money pit. In fact, it's a nice home in a beautiful setting. He may be going through a MLC but he hasn't lost his taste. I did contact an attorney when he first started talking about buying a house instead of rentng and was told that half would be mine in the event of separation and or divorce. It won't matter legally whether I sign the paperwork to purchase the house.

As to the consequences: The lack of interest in what he's doing, politely listening without engaging or reacting, staying neutral or avoiding when he asks my opinion about HIS issues is a consequence in his eyes. Putting everything back in his lap is a consequence. After all of these years it's habit for him to "run things by me" before he makes a decision about most everything. He's irritated with my new behavior but doesn't push it, he just leaves in a huff. A few hours later he's forgotten and tries all over again to suck me into his issues. If and when he moves out I will change my behavior accordingly.

He's been out of town for the past few days so I've had time to think without distraction. I'm beginning to believe that he isn't going to move forward in his journey until he does what he thinks will put him in contol of his life. If he needs his space to get through whatever the heck he's going through, then so be it. The last thing I want to do is to slow it down.

Without getting into personal finances, purchasing this house doesn't begin to made a difference financially. He hasn't spent money foolishly (yet) and when I do see him spending money on things that I see as unnecessary, I withdrawl the same amount for myself. I see that as a way of setting boundaries, albeit in a non verbal way. He doesn't like it so my point is being made. I also have resources that are in my own name that he doesn't legally have access to.

As to the fantasies, I see him becoming a bit less enamoured with the OW. His mood has changed from elated to cranky. I believe he is beginning to remember some of the comments that we both made about her early on when we first met her and her husband. I commented that she was a gold digger and a woman not to be trusted and he agreed. It's just a matter of time before he remembers why neither of us were impressed with her when we met nearly a year ago. I will continue to listen to what he has to say, put my hand up when I find his conversations inappropriate and most of all protect myself financially.

I appreciate the words of wisdom and experience. I'm still trying to understand and learn what works with him. It's a moving target so I think I'll pull up a chair and watch a little more.