Hi LBH. Sorry to hear of your situation. Could you describe a bit more why you think she is a WAW? Has she actually moved out? Sorry if you described this, but it's unclear to me what actually happened. I take it as a good sign she is looking for MC and talking to you about her doubts, and spending time with you.
I thought the letter, as you described it, given her expressing doubts, was perfectly fine. Of curse, you will need to follow through, and just be patient, no pressure, etc, now that you've sent it.
And I'm not really sure the LRT is applicable here, especially if you were distant in your marriage. Look for ways of conitnuing to show her the better you. This might be to actually engage her more, in positive ways of course.
H: 38 xW: 38 M: 16 T: 18 S: 9 BD: 2/2012 W moved out 4/2012 D: 11/2012
azguy, yes she has actually moved out...the night she dropped the bomb in fact. I also see our current communications as good signs...I know I need to be patient and let her work things out...I just need some better tools for working through the dark periods.
I feel like LRT may be the wrong thing to do, but as she's moved out, and there is little (albeit positive) communication between us, I just don't see what else I can do. I'm trying to find that elusive middle ground, where I engage more with her without pressuring her...It's tough, but I'll figure it out...especially with help from everyone here. The forums here are becoming a very positive and helpful part of this whole otherwise cr*ppy experience.
I had a really good day yesterday....didn't feel like those were ever coming back, but sure enough, they do. After an anxiety filled morning (not sitch, medical stuff) I got a hold of an old friend of mine that I hadn't spoken to in a while. He is going through his own trials right now, and we spent some time talking about our situations. Then we just relaxed and talked about life in general for about an hour. We got to talking about other friends that we had once been very close with, that either one or the other of us had lost touch with. Evidently, many of our common friends have gone through or are going through S / D these days.
He invited me to his place for a bbq today, and said he was going to call a few of the other friends we'd spoken of as well. He suggested that we should get together and form our own little support group...I won't hold my breath, but if this works out, we'll both (and others) be able to find ourselves a little relief from our situation and reconnect with friends at the same time.
I'll be heading over to his place this afternoon, and I find myself actually looking forward to it. I haven't even really thought much of my situation today, and as long as I'm feeling genuinely good, I think I'll just let it go for the day and be happy. I'm sure it will all come back to me soon enough...but not today.
Great that you could talk to a friend. Even better that it's resulted in getting out and socializing. Keep up the GAL activities. It really helps with the anxiety, doesn't it?
H: 38 xW: 38 M: 16 T: 18 S: 9 BD: 2/2012 W moved out 4/2012 D: 11/2012
BBQ yesterday was nice. Sadly, everyone there (all 'long lost' friends of mine) are S / D...but at least everyone knew how the others were feeling...I think we all helped each other. Beside that, we really had a good time...and yes azguy, it does help with the anxiety. Wish I could do that all the time.
Anyways, everyone wants to try to get together again, try to see if this little support group thing will work out. I hope so...
I spent some time last night on DB forums just reading through many of the topics that I have been trying to follow...Everyone here pretty much amazes me by their strength, and the strength of their love...
Just wanted to put a little love out there for everyone who is struggling with their situation, and to thank everyone for their support. I wish you all a very happy and fulfilling future, however things may turn out!
Haven't posted in a while...just wanted to say that GAL is going very well at the moment. Had a great weekend with some friends last weekend, and it helped quite a bit. This weekend I'm going to an art festival which I'm told is ending with a Great White concert. Best of all, s18 won his fave track event, and qualified for CIF in all four of his events (4x100, 100m, 200m, 4x400). I loves my little track star! Finally, some things to actually look forward to.
No real word on the sitch...patience is coming easier now though. As I get stronger, it gets a little easier. Still a ton of 'me' to work on, but I'm getting a little better at it.
Tomorrow is W's birthday, so it'll probably be rough for me. I'm going to just try to forget, for a day or two, about the whole thing, otherwise I know I'll just have a bad weekend, thinking about what I'm missing, and missing out on. I'm just going to try to enjoy the moment, put more energy into me and the sitch after I get through the tough part...hope that all makes sense.
W's birthday turned out to be a better day than I thought. I have always enjoyed celebrating her bday, so I was feeling kind of blue at the thought of not being with her and sharing what as always turned out to be a special day.
When she came to pick up the kids she told me that I was welcome to come to dinner to celebrate her bday. Of course I accepted...we went out for dinner, had some laughs and just generally had a good time. I had already been planning to watch a movie and just relax, so after dinner, she joined us at home to watch the movie...turned out to be a nice evening.
I managed to get through most of the evening on an even keel, just sort of detached I guess...whatever it was, I had a nice time. I fell apart after she left; the end of the movie had a message that was very touching, and hit just a bit too close to home, but I held it off until W was gone...I hope I did good:)
I haven't posted in a few days, but I have been following...just kinda wondering if I'm doing something wrong here, as I've not had much action on my post...
Anyways, GAL is going well. I'm really surprised at how easily I can find things to do that interest me, now that I've gained a little distance from BD. I still feel a little hesitant or guilty at times, when I'm out enjoying myself, but for the most part I'm having some fun. Meeting up with a men's group periodically just for some camaraderie, and that's been good. I've also begun to reconnect with some friends, which is great. There's a lot of catching up to do.
180's are going well, but I find it's hard to concentrate on all of the 'me' stuff all at once. I'm thinking it's okay to work on little bits at a time? Anyways, I'm working out consistently now, which is a big change from the recent past. I'm actually starting to appreciate the guy I see in the mirror, and that feels good. I'm much more observant, and I listen a whole lot better than ever before, so conversations seem a whole lot better now, and I get a lot more done. There's a lot more I need to work on, but I think I just need to slow down a bit, not sure though?
As for the sitch, nothing much has changed...I can see now that I probably over-reacted to the positive exchanges from a few weeks ago. Our interactions, though few, are all positive. Unfortunately, they are few, and mostly centered around family business. I really have no idea where I'm at, but I do realize that I'm still very early in this marathon. I really want to see some positive movement, but I am gaining more patience. I also need to learn how to see changes and responses, and I'm just not too sure yet that I've gotten the hang of it.
So overall I feel like I'm doing well, and hoping that R will begin to move in a positive direction...Hope all is well for anyone reading:)
