Confused about what I want

[BRNR]

Hey AJ. Thanks for your comments. I don't have a lot of time tonight as I have to wake up early 4am to get s14 off for a field trip, so I will be brief so I can catch up with others.

My comment on the custody of kids....I am not sure if I really expressed what I wanted to say. I either would want full custody of my kids so H's crazy-making would not destroy them any further or H would step up and be the great father he once was. Legally was not what I was really speaking of...more hypothetical.

H's egg has cracked, and now it is time to figure out what the legal aspects of the situation should be. I have to put a lot of thought into things and next week, I am going to need my decisions... I want to make sure they are the best decisions for me and the boys. H has already made his decision and will need to deal with the consequences.

As far as H not being able to talk to me...I don't know whose issue that is. If you asked me before I would have said his, but right now, I just don't want to hear anything he is saying. Things have progressively deteriorated as far as communication for H and I. Mostly because I am tired of lies and spew and would rather not say anything at all than get yelled at, stomped on, and verbally beaten. But this is something to think about how things could improve...at least on my part. Any suggestions or outside perspective is welcomed.

Thanks for being proud. Honestly I am proud of me to, although, I am concerned that this 180 may be too much too fast. But no matter. I have more things to do still and I hope to have more accomplished fairly soon.