Confused about what I want

[AJM]

BRNR, I'm very proud of you for standing your ground and remaining calm. I can tell you that I also went through the crying spells with my daughter. The night my ex left, my daughter cried on my shoulders for a good hour. Nothing said, really. Just that period of time. I won't ever forget that. As others mentioned, be mindful of the kids. I mean really mindful of what they need before you react to H or to your kids when they are just being "kids". They will test you. They need to. And they will again when they are stronger. When that happens, realize that they are moving through their grief more. It's a good sign when they challenge you again.

As things go along here, H makes it so easy to walk away. I hope this forces his hand to either step up as a parent or allow me to get full physical custody with him receiving visitation. His mind is so skewed.

What will you do if they don't give you full custody? Will it change your feelings? I suspect not, but just asking. Also, is full custody for you the best thing for your kids? Or does that serve to perpetuate the cycle your H is in now for your kids? Would that be what you want for them or is there a better way? Worth thinking about...

You should now, more than ever before realize that this is not about you. Your patience and stillness is paying off in that regard. In the eternal words of Billy Mays, "But wait, there's more." It's not pleasant, but there's more you need to hear.

One thing to note, not that it should change your mind or cause you to act differently is that your H told you he doesn't feel he can talk to you. He's right, he can't. But is that something that you can change or is that on him?

You are doing very well and I'm very happy to hear you are setting boundaries and sticking up for you and the kids. Keep doing that. You need to and your boys very definitely need you to.

Peace,
AJ