Is this cake eating 13

[NLW]

Thanks Busting,
I am having a really hard time trying to maintain some sense of compassion for XH.

I feel so resentful and angry at his behaviour.

I can't just let it go and think that he is just living his own life in the way that he wants to now.

I keep going back to the idea that there has to be some sort of mental problem.

I want this to be the case, and I want verification from others.

I'm working on keeping detached, but the nastiness and bullying is hard to ignore.

Not only do I no longer care about him, I want him to be gone, completely, from all of our lives. I wish I'd never met him.

Is my anger about fear - that he'll actually get away with taking all our money. And that he'll leave us destitute?

Probably.
But also I'm just angry that he's getting away with such behaviour. Wrecking so many lives, and no-one (apart from me) says a word to stop him.

I have about a month to wait for the next court appearance over financials.
It's going to be a long hard expensive slog.

[NLW]

So, today I managed to channel all my anger in a productive direction.

Spent the day on the phone tracking down financial evidence and talking to Ls and CS officials.

Things look brighter - because the more I find out about what's he's done with our money, the more it looks as if XH's goose is well and truly cooked.

Given the lies and weirdness that I've uncovered today, i'm back to thinking he needs my sympathy. He cannot be functioning normally to be doing and saying what he is in relation to financial evidence before the court.

I'm planning a big weekend of sport with my kids this weekend. S14 has basketball way out of town early on Sat morning. Then D17 has netball, and then we are off to a big football game.
Phew.
Next day is mother's day here, and that means a Sunday night dinner at my parents' place.

MIL has promised to come over with food she has baked for us too. I ALWAYS look forward to that!

[wishing, hoping]

Hang in there NLW. Keep digging for stuff and keep praying.

Your X and mine are two of a kind, for sure. Mine is completely paranoid and will not divulge any information unless forced.

He doesn't need your sympathy. It's okay to feel empathy towards him, but sympathy gives off a vibe that you want to help. You can't help him. This is about his issues. It's important to know the difference so you don't get sucked into his web again.

See, he has his D finalized and he is still angry. He still wants control. I can't believe he scribbled out your number and wrote his over the top of it. What an @$$. My H tries to take control at S's counseling sessions as well, but what he doesn't realize is that I get to know what is going on and if H schedules an appointment for S, I can just call the counselor and find out when that appointment is. For a while, H was scheduling these appointments on "his" time so I wasn't included until I called the counselor and asked if we could go back to alternating parents time so we could both be included. The counselor told H that he couldn't schedule the next appointment, because that would be my time.

You hang in there and take care of yourself and those kids. Keep praying. I am praying for you too!

WH

[NLW]

Hey BF,

Yes, i am trying for dark.

XH keeps emailing me the same question - over and over again:
"When can i pick up the car to get a quote for repairs".

He wants me to reply in an email.
I feel i've already told him that he needs to tell us what he's doing about paying school fees and CS before he incurs more debt.

I feel trapped by these repeated emails.
If i reply, I get drawn into an argument - and i end up accusing him (of being too untrustworthy: he will take the car and sell it, I fear) or shaming him (you haven't paid for your kids).

If I don't reply, he keeps hammering me - and I look like I won't cooperate if he takes the email record to court.
Such fun!

I LOVE your saying:
If my legs were longer I'd boot him clear into tomorrow.

I'm picturing him flying through the air right now!

[labug]

Block him.

[NLW]

WH,
Yeah the control thing is massive isn't it.

Just every little thing has to be done their way.

Not sure what that's about.

I had to chuckle to myself at the surgery the other day. After XH returned the form with my details scrubbed out, the receptionist came over to me and asked for my health insurance number - surprise, surprise, I'm the one who pays for the kids' health insurance, not XH.

When i went up to her desk to give it to her, she looked at the form and asked me if i wanted my phone number as the contact for my son.

Then she entered it on his record.

I could feel XH's eyes burning a hole in my back as I gave her my mobile number. He was livid all over again.

They must feel thwarted constantly. By us, kids, life, work.... Wonder if OW is ever subject to any of this?

[NLW]

Hey bug, You reckon?

Won't he just go into court and say i refuse to cooperate over discussion of assets?

Won't this make me look bad?

Ideally, I'd tell him to speak to my lawyer, but I jut can't afford to keep involving L over every little thing.

[BrightFuture]

Hey NLW. Sorry to hear that you have such a difficult time communicating with your XH. Regarding the same e-mail he sends to you, can you also reply with exact same words you replied before (or something you said before.) Maybe he will get tired of it.

[NLW]

Hey BF,
Yeah, that's a possibility...
I'm a bit reluctant even to get drawn into an email exchange though.

Trying to work out why XH is insisting that i respond via email.

We've already talked it through face-to-face.
I feel like he's trying to trap me into saying something that he'll use against me in court.

I just read BRNR's post in MLC and thought maybe something like:

"When you're ready to discuss the school fees and CS, let me know."

But I would prefer to say this to him rather than put it in an email, cause I fear he's got a plan to use the response against me.

Oh lord, all this second-guessing!
Still it will all be over once the settlement is done.

[NLW]

Just had another thought. Maybe i should say something that is closer to what i'm feeling:

"I'm afraid that if you pay for repairs to the car, you will not be able to pay for S14's school fees or pay CS."



"When you're ready to discuss .." sounds bossy and controlling.

"I'm afraid that..." sounds shaming (You make me feel bad)

IDK..... Just ignore him like bug suggests?