bug, I admit I needed a little bit to digest your comment, but I do understand where you're coming from and can relate. I have always had very high standards for myself that I held others to also. The only result for that way of thinking is that I was always disappointed. I tried to change this thought process over the past 5 years or so and I did let go of a lot, especially with my parents etc and even some parts of H. H didn't used to work so much, I think it was when I stopped fighting it so much that he went crazy with work - but I only recently understand his motivations now and it's not the abandonment that I took it for previously.
I did not let up on my kids and that's the unfortunate thing, but it has a silver lining. They are driven young people now and have had many experiences they wouldn't have had but for me pushing and pushing from behind.
I do worry that my high standards for myself will prevent any true r attempt with H in the future. I want to forgive and move forward in our R. I want to challenge my way of thinking and surprise myself and grow. I keep hitting a wall about reaching a certain point and not being able to move any more forward without true repentance from him. That may never come. At this point, that's where we will eventually part ways.
I know it's possible to find that grace within ones inner self to not need anything from the other partner. I just haven't got there yet.
