Quote: If Wolfie could "get it", he would understand that I desperately need his help to heal and feel whole again so that I can be part of an R that continues to improve and grow. Getting angry and impatient with me and wanting to shove it all under the rug will only prelong my pain.
I honestly believe that the R's that grow stronger and better after an A do so because both parties focus on healing each other, as well as the R as a whole.
Let me turn this around in hopes I will express my slant as clear as possible. How do you think you can help Wolfie heal for the pain of his guilt? You can't! It comes from within him and only he can come to terms with it. Now how can he help you heal from the pain of betrayal? Same answer ... no matter what he attempts to do to help you, only you can come to terms with your pain.
So how does one "heal" from a pain that never will disappear (yes, it will dull and fade into the distance, but never will completely go away.)? Well, first all I think "heal" is a misnomer. If the pain never goes away, how can one heal from it? It like arthritis, it will never goes away so you can never heal from it, but you can learn to live with it as best as you can. I guess I can only speak for myself and the keyword that seems to work for me in order to come to terms with my pain is to work on building compassion so that is overshadows my pain. While CAW may directly benefit from my compassion, she also may choose to reject it ... either way it really doesn't matter to me ... I'm doing it soothe my inner-self so that one day I can have some inner-peace.
Quote: Sometimes there is such a cross wind of different powerful but conflicting emotions that it's enough to put me on overload and the cuicuit-breakers have to kick in.
This is what I was trying to touch on in my earlier post ... the same thing just happened to Wolfie. I think you can draw the parallel at this time that alot of emotions you are experiencing he is too. Acting "as-if" based on that conclusion could be very helpful in getting over the rough spots.
T2 - That's why its so critical to maintain the position of staying removed from their equation that equals to their pain and anger, just like when their slant was we were the source of all that was wrong with M in the first place.
By responding with compassion during those flare-ups also helps diffuse their projection of blame onto you. If you have a hard time trying to be compassionate to their behavior then give them plenty of space as an effective alternate until their release of pressure blows over.
