[MrCAS]

Involvement with other people can cloud judgment. I am thinking his mind is a whirlwind of thoughts ans emotions right now.

Just breathe.

[AnotherStander]

Can someone get divorced if they are pregnant, or do you have to wait until the baby is born?

Depends on the state, you definitely cannot get divorced in TX if the W is pregnant.

[in_it]

Thanks AS. You can't in my state either.

Had a pretty good IC session. I've got a lot to think about. I told him how I was feeling last night before any of these texts this morning that I was contemplating asking H to stay with his mom for a while. I also told him how close I came to calling OW.

He thinks I should sit on both for a few days before I do anything. He did tell me that if I called OW I needed to be prepared for the 'repercussions' from him. How will he react? I told him that I'm pretty sure he would be livid. He said then don't call unless you're absolutely sure you are prepared for the end & know you don't want to be with him anymore.

I do believe that my mind is in a better state right now, I'm just still feeling a little antsy.

It's crazy, that after everything I've been through, I still feel myself wanting to be with him. Is this normal? Are the feelings real? Also, I want H to be well. With or without me. I think that's progress for me. I didn't ever think I'd be that way. I always thought I'd be the type of person that would be able to move on & not care about his well being. I wish he would get help. I think that may be another reason I would contact the OW if things were truly over. To let her know how messed up he is & maybe she could get through to him. I do want my children to have a father.

[Jeack]

It's crazy, that after everything I've been through, I still feel myself wanting to be with him. Is this normal? Are the feelings real? Also, I want H to be well. With or without me. I think that's progress for me. I didn't ever think I'd be that way. I always thought I'd be the type of person that would be able to move on & not care about his well being. I wish he would get help. I think that may be another reason I would contact the OW if things were truly over. To let her know how messed up he is & maybe she could get through to him. I do want my children to have a father.

I think that's a normal feeling. I feel the same about my W. I worry about her more than myself most days.

[RealityTrip]

Hey there. Just caught up. I'm sorry! I was in "RT" land the past few days sailing the waters with W.

So much going on for you. I'm really glad UrWorthy was here for you to help you calm down from the emotional spin that got you the other day.

Worthy was also right a couple of days ago that H will get angry when OW puts on the pressure. Sounds like you are dealing with a little of that right now. Just stay clear and focused and recognize it. It will help you to control your reactions.

I have to say, I smiled when I read your speaker phone interruption.

As for separation, I was miserable when my W left. The best thing I think to come of it is that my W was able to live a little bit more "reality" with her AP and things haven't been what they seemed from what she tells me. I still wouldn't want it for anyone though. It's hard. I wouldn't bring it up but if he does then a simple response.. "that's your decision to make" would suffice.

WS's know what they are doing is wrong and are constantly looking for us to give them validation in their choices. If he threatens to leave and you are peaceful?... that does not hold as much weight for him in his quest for validation than if you were to lose your cool and tell him to go. It would come out the other side as "my W threw me out, or my W left me".

I met with a MC once that described the natural flow of a M like an hour glass. Airy, full and abundant floating on top, then it narrows and becomes uncomfortable in a sort of "power struggle" and those that can weather the sand storm end up on a solid foundation with a full and abundant marriage.

I try to keep focused on that. And most importantly... Keep focused on you. (((((((InIt)))))))

[Tallula]

Ok, just caught up with you!!

Holy moly, I thought my H was a totaly POS! Mine is all excited about the baby. Wow, I am so sorry you have to deal with this!

First. DO NOT CONTACT OW!!! You won't get her to see anything. They lie to the OW, they lie to us. They are scared of losing one, both, EVERYONE! I fantasize about it all the time. My H is not only sleeping with her, but some side piece nurse at his gma's nursing home. I constantly debate texting her the screen shots of the texts. Not because I even want him back, but because I don't want to her "win". Yep, you read that right. What does she win? A man who is currently cheating on her with a married nurse and begging his PREGNANT wife to take him back. Sick? Maybe, but it's a feeling I have. There is still a 5% part of me that wants him too. I still love him. And, frankly, when we do D I just don't want this woman in my kids life. She is trash. Oh, and my OW knows I'm pregnant. Still with him. Yeah, it won't make a difference. What is one more kid? Plus, when it comes down to it, if you work this out you will need him to have come back because he wants to, not because you ruined OW for him. Then he just finds another OW. Or you worry he does. It will end on it's own.

I LOVE that you walked in while he was on speaker phone. Have you given it any thought to setting some boundaries for contact with OW? While my H was living at home, I set no contact with OW at our home. I had other boundaries as well. That stuff is just hard to hear. Even me, separated almost 4 months, and I wast a divorce...had to get something from his truck last night and found an overnight bag in his truck to stay with OW. I sobbed, and sobbed. It hurts to see it infront of your face.

But, I never let him know I saw that. I just take in the information, and don't say anything to him. Just because you have it, doesn't mean you need to react. Since you are still hoping to save your M, that is my BIGGEST Suggestion. You are emotional, hormonal. If you get info, sit on it for a few days. Talk about it here. That has been my biggest lesson from DB. I was always very reactionary. Now, I'm purposeful in my interactions. It's amazing!!!

Big HUGS!!

[in_it]

Thanks RealityTrip & Tallula.

RT-I like the hour glass analogy. That's a new one for me.

T-I won't call OW. It will in no way help my sitch. I think the only I would call her at this point is if I H moves out & makes the steps to actually leave. At that point I would just simply let her know of the double life he is living since she has no clue. She'll find out sooner or later & he'll have to deal with it then. I feel the exact same way as far as her 'winning'. I never looked at it that way before, but now realize that's why I'm so wrapped up in wanting her to know. I feel like that would immediately push her away since I know how she feels in regards to H & I having any kind of physical relationship. She even believes that we sleep in separate beds. I'm sure her knowing that I'm not even 8 weeks pregnant would royally tick her off. As far as boundaries…I'm not ready to go there just yet. He doesn't talk to her in front of me or the girls & the texting has slowed way down. He typically does this in another room. If it gets to the point where I don't think I can handle it I will address it.

My mood has been pretty good today. No interaction by text, so I'm staying in a pretty good mindset. I am getting nervous for the evening. I wonder if he will be cold like yesterday, or if there will be conversation?

[in_it]

Hi friends!

I'm in a very somber state today. I feel as my emotions, feelings, state of mind, etc are numb. Numb to everything. It's almost as I feel like I don't even care what happens. Is this me moving on to another position?

Not sure what to do? I have no energy & the thought of anything GAL makes me want to puke. Which is odd as well, I'm typically pretty good at shaking my mood & staying positive & when I'm not I go temporarily crazy for a bit a start ranting here like I've done in the past. I don't have a desire to any of that today.

Have any of you ever felt this way? If so, did it change? Am I in a funk? I don't really feel like I'm done or wanting to toss in the towel. I can't explain it.

I do think I need to get a better attitude & presence about myself before I pick up my daughters after work.

[in_it]

I also talked to my L today for some piece of mind. I just wanted to know if my girls will be protected if H continues to not want anything to do with baby. L informed me of several things I would have working on my side, in particular the texts he has sent me & the way he has spoken to me while I've consistently replied with compassion & validation basically when I have replied.

L said I have strong case in regards of showing that he is unstable.

I'm wondering now if the conversation with L has added to my feeling of numbness?

[uRworthy]

Hi sweetie. Yes, it is normal for your moods to be all over the place. This is a rollercoaster ride. Add to that you being pregnant - recipe for seasickness. lol

In, I know that you are giving reasons for why you want to tell the ow. But, I think if you were to be hones with yourself, the main reason is that you hope it will bring it to an end.

A couple things about that. First of all, she is a bandaid. That's it. This is not a relationship based on trust and honesty. She is sleeping with a married man. He is still sleeping with you. He is broken.

She is nothing. And as such, I wouldnt want to tell her a thing. Her problem if she believes him. All telling her would do would give them more reason to blame you.

He would be very angry. And so would she. That would give them something else to bond over. I promise you, it will not give you the results you want. He will just make up an excuse as to why he still sleeps with you and that you tricked him regarding the pregnancy. And she will believe him because she wants to.

It is best to let this thing die of its own accord. If you interfered, would you really want him back in that way?

That will just bring trouble down the road.

You keep your dignity, In. Dont give any credibility to this affair by acknowledging it.

As far as how you feel now, well, this is exhausting and of course you are going to feel tired of it all.

You hang in there.