DBing European Style, part 2

[Papa4Life]

So, the W came back from her management course that's more like a religious retreat for her. I'm playing it cool with her -- listened to a quick story from the course before excusing myself to get some work done, then just chatted about some stuff in the news before she headed up to bed -- and I think she has noticed, because she asks sometimes about what I've been up to.

I went out with a friend last night who is in an even less tenable situation than mine: GF sleeps in separate BR, criticizes him about his parenting of their S, he's been unemplyed and living off of dwindling savings, can't find a job, his GF seems to want to move with the boys to her mom's in a town an hour away, and on and on. I like to hang out with him because we can commisserate, but I get frustrated sometimes because he doesn't seem willing to make any 180s to improve his sitch. I think he wants out but dreads living on his own, even though that's pretty much what he's doing already in all but name.

Whenever we go out, he gravitates to any single women who will talk to him, which is what she did last night. My friend brought up my sitch and the issue of my 4 kids and D and this horrible woman just dismissed it, like, meh, everybody's got problems, or some such, after a bit more of that I got so angry I told her to €@%# off and just walked away.

She was saying that I'm just some glib manipulator who can fast talk anybody, which is so not true -- well, it's true I can talk to people by (here's the big revelation) listening and validating, but that's something I've gotten better at through DBing. I'm trying to be more connected to people and I practice that by going out and GAL.

She also called me a user, saying I was using my friend, which was pretty rich considering that I had just paid our tab AND hers, but whatever.

Is it "using" someone if you want to spend time with them? Heck, I bet I'm the only person he talks to about his sitch. How's that "using".

I dunno, I guess I have to be mindful of not putting pressure on people to give me a shoulder to lean on as I make my way through the dark forest of my sitch.

Does anyone else have experience with this? I'd be interested in any feedback or examples from other people's sitches.