GM, Happy Anniversary to you. Yes, your h does remember the anniversary, but he most likely will not admit that he does. In fact, he most likely remembers every little detail of any events that you both participated in. I know my xh brought up something that I use to do when he was sane and living w/me that I haven't done in a long while...Black Friday shopping. I told him that he had been gone a long time and that I hadn't done that in 15 years. LOL!
Please plan to do something extra special for yourself, a nice lunch/dinner or even purchase a nice bouquet of flowers. Try not to dwell on it too much. Okay?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My attorney called. She has a signed settlement offer. She gave me the gist of it, but we'll need to meet to go over the details, especially support. My first thought is no. It's not the same offer that I previously agreed to. However, I'm tired of this and just want to move on with my life. Litigating is expensive and there are no guarantees. Advice?
I am not an expert whatsoever, but it almost seems to me your H knows you are worn down so is offering you less than you want hoping you will agree. The decision is ultimately up to you, of course, so I can't tell you want to do. If you are willing to live with the settlement go for it and be done. Just make sure you will have no regrets because it will be more expensive and difficult to change once things are said and done.
Just my two cents. WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Golf mom,sorry that you are going through this.anniversaries are hard. Ours is coming up soon and it would be 46 years this year. Last year I asked him to come for supper and he didn't know if he could make it so I packed up and left for a couple of days and didn't tell him. He seemed quite upset about it but didn't mention the anniversary at all and neither did I .have no expectations for this year at all,in fact I may leave a day or two before this time.
Child support is usually more or less by a formula - don't settle for less than the formula would allow.
Spousal support is often a different matter. Long-term marriages often get 1/2 the number of years you were married. However, this can be revisited if his circumstances change (ie if he were to become disabled and couldn't work, he could go to court to get it reduced).
See what your attorney says about the matter. What trade-offs are you getting? Do you get to keep the house equity? What about retirement plans etc.? And what about any debt?
In my case, I was entitled to alimony for 12 years, but accepted a two year reduction in exchange for something else. If my income rises above a certain level, the alimony kicks out (I'd be happy if I could make that much, but so far, come nowhere near). I dislike having that remaining tie to my ex, and it restricts my love life in that I cannot have a man live with me or get married or I will lose the alimony, which I need. I would have been better off with a lump sum, but my ex could not have scrounged that up at the time.
Look at the offer carefully with your attorney, and figure out exactly what you would be giving up if you accepted it. My ex always said that if we both felt like we got scr*wed, then it was probably a fair settlement. I do think he was right on that score.
Thanks so much for all of the replies. I haven't talked with my attorney yet, but her message was the offer is less than perfect. Well, I don't an ideal agreement, but there are some items that I won't budge on. My H has tried to get me to agree on less spousal support than I am entitled to and wants it terminated early. I won't agree to that even though he is giving me the house and all the equity. There's no telling what's the future holds and I don't want to be in a position where I have to sell my home just to survive financially. The only time he backed off on that was when he was trying to close on a house and needed me to quickly agree. When that fell through he retracted his offer. I know I'm getting ahead of myself since I don't have all of the details, but my attorney didn't seem excited about it at all.
As for my anniversary, I'm numb. I thought I would care, but right now I truly don't. Maybe later. I'm sure when the D is final I will go through another period of grieving all of the losses and what could have been.
Btw - when figuring equity in the home - sadly, for divorce, it is usually calculated as the sales price minus the mortgage. But IN REALITY, the equity in the home is the sales price, minus costs of repairs to prepare the home for sale, minus closing costs and realtors fees etc.
Try to get that more realistic figure used if you can in the negotiations.
