Nothing will change her mind.

[SFC_Swede]

Wow wiscn...I guess its the season, because my W hit me with the very same thing, and is acting the same. We have been T 16Y and M for 12Y. We have had what I thought were normal ups and downs...had a crisis or two, but always thought we weathered the storm and came out better for it. I treated her well, raised my step son as my own, ect...

But she initially stated her disbelief that we had a future together on Apr 12th 2013. Things were quiet but uneasy over the next couple weeks as I made every dopey mistake in the book. Begging, reassuring, trying to use logic, ect. But it was when the feelings of distrust built up in me, because I felt she was guarding her cell like a hawk, that I confronted her and more or less demanded to know if there was OM. Well, from that point on, everything I said was like pouring molten lava in her ears.

The next morning on May 2nd 2013, I found a note with her wedding rings telling me it is over, to get out, and she was filing for divorce. A follow on conversation was no good. Her heels are dug in and there is no changing of her mind. Like you, I got the whole ILYBIANILWY speech, and that she hasnt felt true love for me in years...damn near going back to the beginning as if our entire relationship was a horror story for her. That over the years, every disappointment cut a string of trust and attachment, until that final one was cut in the beginning of April. She no longer cares, is hurt, or wants to go on.

Now, why am I telling you this? Because I did everything wrong those first three weeks. I begged, pleaded, beat myself up, texted, spied, ect....and it only made a bad sitch worse. She withdrew more, lost more respect for me, and started putting the pieces together to end the M.

Its hard, but you have to man up. You have to grow a spine and take responsibility for your own life, and square your head with the fact that she may very well be telling the truth. But you have to get rid of that sensation of neediness. It is toxic to your relationship right now. The self flagellation and pity arent going to pull you up. You have to rise about it and find the confidence you once had. Give her a break..no calls, no texts, no contact for a few days...and then only to discuss the kids, or other small talk...anything BUT you relationship. Dont even bring it up. Act like you are moving on and happy. At a very minimum, dont have that sad face on and act depressed. And then...DO go get a life of your own. Start or renew a hobby, reacquaint with friends, ect.

Look, I am probably in a little worse sitch than you. My W is a cold hearted B, and when she makes up her mind...she digs in. So even with me doing all the things I have told you, in the past week alone she has warmed up to at east have small pleasant conversations, and sat in the same room with me to watch tv. Dont get me wrong, I still dont have a ton of faith that I can turn this around...but I bought DR and am reading it and the other posts on this forumn, AND doing a lot of self reflection and character inventories. All needed to begin your 180s to improve YOU, for YOU.