Confused about what I want

[BRNR]

Oh, he's not going to be happy, but someone has to be the adult here and ensure that the boys are okay. I know you'll set him straight.

All I can say is yep, he wasn't happy. More crazy-making spew from H.

In short, I just sent him an email that S9 was emotional last night and set some boundaries which included, NO other people in our kids lives, no trash talking each other,and no pre-planned conversations regarding our marriage or divorce without expression to the the other parent. I thought fairly simple, one short paragraph, very clear.

NOPE. H came back with spew almost ten paragraphs long...Why do the kids feel that way?, it sounds as if you are making me the bad guy?, what prompted all this?, S9 is using this as an excuse to misbehave, all the things I am doing wrong as a mom, and how I am insinuating things and making false claims of his mean comments of me.

I originally started picking apart his response email line by line answering all his questions, and then I remember what my trusted friend said and what AJ said. One, he will bait me into an argument and I have to shrug it off, because the more I argue the more H will know it is getting to me, and that I don't have to explain or defend myself.

So, I responded back simply and politely that clearly by his response he was very angry and resentful and that his accusations were his and I would not own any of them. That at the end of the day, S9 is struggling emotionally. I also stated that our issues are ours and should be put aside when dealing with the boys. I closed with what would you like to do about S9 emotionally well being and left it at that. I also stated that if he was going to insinuate and make negative accusations on me as a mother that we could end the conversation there.

I will not tolerate this, and definitely will print out this email when I go file for custody. Everyone who knows me, knows that I have been and will continue to be a GREAT mom, and I refuse to let him take that away from me. He has already taken so much from me and this one I do have control over.

As things go along here, H makes it so easy to walk away. I hope this forces his hand to either step up as a parent or allow me to get full physical custody with him receiving visitation. His mind is so skewed.

But, there was one take-away to his email. He described how he felt when he was thirteen and his parents divorced and how his Dad didn't give a sh1t about him. Guess that his root problem of his MLC. What is strange is that he states he knows how he felt and is very aware of how our boys must feel, but thinks he is better because he calls them and talks to them daily and spends "time" with them.

Hopefully this may have put to the fore-front his issues and help him see that what he has and continues to do is no different than what was done to him...and maybe shed the light on his unresolved problems and help him out of his own fog. IDK, maybe I am reaching with that one.

But despite everything today, I do feel confident and calm and KNOW that what I am doing is right for the boys and I.

I have to thank everyone here for helping me gain my strength to do what I have done so far. This board has been my savior and therapy of sorts from day one.

Until next time....