Well, I don't know who blew it--probably both of us--but yesterday was NOT good.
We went to town--did a lot of window-shopping & looking around. Wolfie had specific errands to get done so we did those--but he's one of those odd-ball guys that loves shopping. I thought it was nice, but all of the sudden he grumps out and says "Let's go". He barely speaks all the way home, while I sit and wonder what got up his hiney!
We get home and I asked him several times what he was upset about. He said that his idea of having a romantic time was just dinking around, spending the day window shopping, going to bookstores, etc., but he said it seemed like I wasn't very excited about it so he felt like he was just "dragging me around".
I explained that I was fine, having a good time and I had no idea what he was talking about "dragging me around"! He decided that he had really misread me and made some assumptions and got in a huff that I didn't like to spend time hanging out with him. All of this came out of left-field to me, but he ended up deciding that he'd been acting silly.
I told him that I like hearing how important companionship was to him (basically telling me about one of his love-languages). I told him the basic theory behind love languages, and how one can be speaking in their own love language, but the other person doesn't get it, because their love language isn't being spoken.
He seemed engaged in this conversation and interested in the love-language thing....so I went on to explain about MY LL's. I told him that I knew that verbal expressions of affection and communicating on an emotionally intimate level was hard for him. I said that it was a big part of my LL, and in fact was as strong of a need as sex, in fact it is very intertwined!
He started yelling at me! He was yelling, "what the hell do you want from me? I go through all of this stuff to get you back, I tell you where I'm at all of the time! How long do I have to go through this feeling guilty--I'm sick of it! Why can't you just go on from here and get over the past?"
WTF!!!!! Ok--I have no idea where this came from. I hadn't said a single thing about the "past" (euphemism for the A). I THOUGHT we were having a discussion about our emotional needs and love languages. I thought it was cool that we were doing that! I was shocked--for the second time--about his bizare reactions!
I said..."I was in no way bringing up the "past". I was talking to you about ways we can express our needs and meet each other's needs better--work on relationship in positive ways.
He just sat there glaring at me. At this point, I am starting to get very irritated at his behavior. What he had just been yelling about started to sink in.
I asked him if all of this "work" he had been doing for the relationship and the things he had been doing to "make amends, repair relationships, regain trust" was really all about him not wanting to feel guilt because it IS UNCOMFORTABLE? He said "yes". I
I asked him if all of the things he had been doing to be "sweet" to me, going to counseling, etc. was about some penance he was doing instead of being heartfelt--and that he felt like he has said the appropriate amount of "Hail Marys" now. He said "Well YEAH. How much more should I have to be put through?".
UGGGHHHH! At this point, I am wondering what the f**k I am doing in a relationship with a man that is THAT immature, insensitive, and self-centered!
He tried to snuggle up to me later--wanting to ML. For the first time in almost ten years, I said I really didn't feel like it.
Does anyone have any insight into this crap? Just teething?
