Major ups and downs over the past few weeks. We have had some really good times and some really painful ones. We are both in IC and MC with a really good Psych. She had recommended that we both live separately when he moved back to CA and ease back into things. Both of us wanted to try being together under the same roof.
Well...he got his own apartment yesterday. About a mile from the house so still close. We have MC this afternoon. He feels it's the right thing to do so we can take a step back and work on our relationship without the stressors of trying to live together too. He was trying to be sweet, buying me a card and dinner last night, trying to make me laugh.
My logical brain tells me this is probably the right path to take, to find each other again before one of us walks for good. It has been almost three years since we have truly lived together due to his job. I know we are different people now. And I know it is for the best.
But, even though I agreed to this, why do I feel completely devastated? I haven't honestly felt this low since BD. I'm not quite at that level, but I feel myself spiraling into depression (and I am on ADs). My brain tells me this is the right thing to do, but my emotions are all over the place and I truly feel abandoned all over again. I know I'm not, we are married, he wants to work on this and doesn't want to fail...but I am just so sad all over again.
And do I ramp up the pre-piecing DB again by making the road home easier? Or do I continue to focus on piecing and really work on our issues? I feel like a blubbering idiot today.
We haven't established rules for this. Do we come and go as we please at each other's place? Do we make dates? Do we expect to spend time together? I know we will discuss this today at MC, but I just feel so overwhelmed I don't know where to start.
