Struggling and need help #2

[TSquared2]

Best to NOT handle it...let it go, ignore it, etc.

W is going to have to learn "the hard way" (friends noticing, etc)...as I learned in my sitch, the hard way.

Most mlc'ers have a need to try to see things through, if you interfere, YOU are the bad guy/parent even MORE so, you will be blamed for her unhappiness and give her all the more ammo to run...

This is where the old saying "Be right or be happy" comes to play a bit.

Yes, it is "wrong", but not to HER, in her current state of mind.

If you push this, and try to get her to stop because it is wrong, etc, I think you will probably push her harder to tat-boy, or a new one, or few...There is no shortage of predators out there who will play a woman/man in crisis, ever heard the saying "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"? There is a whole sub-culture devoted to it...

Tat-boy is a symptom, not a cause....go after/focus on the cause, CB, the cause...if you had a terrible disease, would you want the doctors to cure the cause, even if more difficult and painful and take longer, or just treat the symptoms so you feel a little better right now?

I and IC stopped my W's 1st EA (well, OM DID help a lot by just being his a-hole self, but....) in phase 1...phase 2 has been sooo much worse, and more damaging...I highly recommend dropping the tat-boy obsession and let it play out, and die a natural death.

And also be very careful who you pull into this...friends, family can mean well, but can/will be viewed negatively, very negatively, by W, adding more fuel to her need to run...yur mileage may vary....

STAY OUT OF HER WAY.
STAY OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY!

I've been here, CB, and done this, it is harder than h3ll, I get that...but take what works for you...

Hang in there, let tat-boy go, for YOU. He is not worth any time in your head, and your obsessing on it only saps your strength and YOUR working on you and being the man only a fool would leave...

T^2