I have not applied any pressure to commit at all over the last months, but I feel that I have been trying to control certain areas of our R, and I think this is what has caused BD2 and also to make W accuse me of trying to make her stay / or enjoying watching her suffer. (That and not wanting to engage in discussions on D / selling house etc) From now on i am backing off more, if she wants to do things I am not going to point out the downfalls of these things, only support her like I would a friend. Maybe even if I think something is a bad idea, let her try it out. Because having my say is what I have always done, only because I care, but I can see how this could come across as controlling and W not being her own person.
If you can manage this ^^, it is a great observation and a good 180. Many of us on this Board are natural "fixers". I am. Give me a problem and I want to solve it. Of course we do it because we care (and CLEARLY they are making an error ) What I am so slowly learning is that sometimes, people do not want their problems solved, they want someone to listen AND sometimes, they must do things their way in order to learn that it does/does not work.
I have not had to live with my MLCer so I don't have much advice for you otherwise, but if your W is at least not angry with you and you can learn to control your own emotions (the REAL reason DBing is so hard) then your situation has potential. Count the positives. Learn from the negatives.
It is OK to let go. In fact, it is best that you do. Letting go does not mean giving up.
) What I am so slowly learning is that sometimes, people do not want their problems solved, they want someone to listen AND sometimes, they must do things their way in order to learn that it does/does not work.
