Quote: H has never apologised for his infidelity. He has never openly expressed any guilt concerning it either. I have often wondered if he is feeling guilt due to some of his actions or some things he has said but he has NEVER said "B I'm sorry I cheated on you, can you ever forgive me". I may have removed the necessity for that in his mind though since I forgave him sans an apology anyway. H did apologise for hurting me in regard to his treatment of me during the "bad time" so I try to take my consolation from that...that treatment hurt far more then the actual infidelity anyway.
My H sang John Lennon's "Jealous Guy" to me as a general expression of remorse. However, he has never specifically addressed the issue of his infidelity. So I am left to assume that his apologetic gesture encompassed this along with his effort to desert our M, his terrifying displays of suicidal behavior, his neglect, etc... The point that you made about forgiving the spouse sans an apology, is something that I've thought about too. I can only speak to the ladies on this issue because of the difference in gender dynamics - but it really does seem that because men tend to shy away from emotional discussions and are more action oriented, there is a strong desire for them to close the verbal door on the subject. We make that possible for them because... we're DBing. So, whenever they do manage a verbal show of remorse, it is truly a big deal for us - and for them.
I so wish to have open dialogue with my H wherein I can safely say or ask whatever I need to - to clear out the residue left behind from his betrayal fest. I know that it would do wonders for my inner world. If the past is an indication of the present, addressing certain issues might end up...counter-productive. But in all honesty, (due in part to the encouragement I get here on the bb), I am beginning to speak up a little more. I'm happy to report ... the sky isn't falling.
