Read Ad's post again, and again. There's more there than I think you're seeing. You live in the extremes, everything is all bad or all good, there's no middle. You put yourself down to make a point or get others to feel sorry for you. Ever hear of automatic negative thoughts?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss