Shiny, Sage, T2, Jeannine: I've been thinking about the many commonalities in the stages we are at. I know, from hearing from you all, that my thoughts and emotions are apparently normal--and that is a huge relief.
I have thought about how some would bring up stages of grief, but that doesn't seem to be a good fit. I am thinking back to the areas in DR and DB that cover recovering from infidelity. I am remembering much of what After the Affair said.
I don't recall anything that was specific to the stage that we are at! Can any of you? I know that much in those books dealt with the ideal, where the unfaithful partner is an ally--or even takes the LEAD--in healing the betrayed partner. I talks about that in Michele's books--how difficult is it for the one who caused the pain having to take the roll of the healer. Dr. Phil seems to point this direction too, with advice like: express that you are sorry every day for AS LONG AS IT IS NEEDED!
Another scenario is what our MC was leading up to...have a ceremoney of sorts, then never speak of the infidelity again. I was having some real difficulty with this tact, as I am a process-oriented person, and don't do well with denial.
I wish we could get Michele to help us address some of the specific areas we are dealing with in this particular page of piecing!
We talk about things like: Triggers of annaversaries Post-tramatic type nightmares Feeling the need to keep evidence of the affair Feeling like we subjugate our emotions--protecting our spouses from our stuggles Not believing that our partners are our allies in healing--feeling that we are alone--not feeling that we can ask for what we need Dealing with the disparity of the person you thought you were married to--the person who betrayed you on the most intimate level in many ugly ways--and the person that we are now having a relationship with.
