Help & Advice Needed Please (Thread 3)

[Intact]

Thanks T1000 - you're right I have been down in the dumps today - just part of the rollercoaster.

My 180s and GAL have been going well: good financial management, more career ambition, getting verbal temper in check.

GAL: Had my Son the last two days and had lots of fun with him; bowling, supper, BBQ, football. In my own time I've joined a few clubs, have a friendly poker night round my house oncer per week and having guitar lessons.

Where I can see all the good this does - I'm not convinced it's having any current effect on my sitch - although perhaps I'm wrong.

Thank you for taking the time to post on my thread - it is very much appreciated.

[Intact]

I realise this post will male me sound down in the dumps but I do want to re-iterate that my 180s and GAL are all going very well. However...

The one thing I thought I would always have in my favour over the OM is that I'm our childs Father. But it just doesn't seem to make any difference. In fact, she doesn't seem very intent on spending time with our Son at the moment. It's like everything is about OM. What on earth do I do to try and help this?

She's told me she's in love with him, so perhaps holding on to any hope isn't doing me any favours at all? How can I compete with the fantasy of OM? We barely speak and barely see each other. I feel like I'm co=parenting with MIL at the moment.

I'm just completely out of ideas how to improve this sitch. When I see her I'm always well dressed and have a PMA attitude. But nothing seems to be bringing her any closer.

I've started to think that perhaps she's truly happy only seeing her Son so little as this gives her a chance to be "young free and single". I thought our Son may have been the one thing that could of helped pull her back after I had made the positive changes to myself.

I'm really at a loss and would love any advice from anybody.

[T1000]

Could she going through MLC?
I do find it strange that she isn't that interested in your son.

Does MIL take up W share of the parenting or do you do more than 50% sometimes?

[Intact]

I have wondered about MLC.

We share custody 50/50 but it seems (to me at least) that MIL is doing most of her parenting for her.

My W has our Son every Wed, Thurs and Friday - these are all days she works (OM works directly opposite) - from what I gather W isn't getting home until 7ish - she then has her tea and puts Son to bed. Then goes to work the next day just after he gets up. But it's just like she doesn't care. I mean she says she does but all her actions and behaviours suggest otherwise.

[T1000]

So she has Sat, Sun, Mon and Tues to herself and doesn't see S?

[Intact]

That's right yes. She spends all of that time with OM - who so far she hasn't told our Son about,

[T1000]

Can you change this at all? Who picked the days?
Seems ridiculous for her to have 4 days a week she doesn't work without S and the 3 days she does with S.

[Intact]

I did offer to change it but she said no.
Basically when she hasn't got Son she stays with OM and when she has got him she sees him at work - so with the current arrangement she gets to see OM every day.

She does phone Son every night at bedtime, although I have noticed these conversations are getting shorter and shorter.

[T1000]

Personally I would try to do something to change this.
Her attention rightly or wrongly is completely on OM.
She is able to spend all her days off doing this so why would she change unless she had to.
What days do you work?

[Intact]

I work from home so my days are flexible.

Yes, you're right all of her attention is on OM this is why she refuses to change what days and when she has our Son.