Suckerpunch down to the wire

[25yearsmlc]

It's not that I read malevolent intentions, but lack of clarity which will create conflict and will create more negative feelings between the two of you unless you can learn to be more clear. For coparenting's sake I think that's really important.

What you described the first time is not exactly the same as what you quoted the second time.

But when you make an appointment during time that your w is considered "on duty" assuming your wife defaults to carrying it out, that's imposing! So your initial question would be more palatable if it included acknowkedgment that youre asking her to do something. "Do you mind taking her at that time?"

Her question of are you taking her was a reasonable request for clarification And was a yes or no question. Either: yes I'm just letting you know about the appointment or no I was hoping you could take her, Let me know if you can't and I will arrange to. Since you didnt answer her question you still dont know who's taking her, and youre both probably feeling frustrated with each other.


EXACTLY

it's as if you think there will be a conflict you can avoid, by NOT being clear. But it's not true.

That conflict avoidance, almost always makes things worse. For sure it Never improves things. Just festers, confuses, deceives, etc...



thats why i sggested youll get along better over coparenting D if you dont pussyfoot around making a clear request or clearly answering a yes or no question.

i wonder if you feel like its nicer or more polite to be circuitous, and i have a sibling who is like that. it is annoying and leaves me feeling manipulated becAuse instead of a clear request she gives me a whole bunch of words geared toward eliciting an offer from me, if i can figure out what she wants. annoying and unassertive.

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS^^^ AD...it's almost passive aggressive. It's a refusal to admit that you are ASKING HER to do something. God forbid you have to say "thanks" or "please".

Instead you pretend "my daughter is ALL I care about" and blah blah blah so, what, you're a hero...?

come on, you wanted HER to take your d, and you didn't care what the hell she was doing then, WHICH YOU ADMIT. "I could (not) care less what she is doing at 10:30..."

Geez SP, You know someone who likes to be treated like that? I don't.

this is a lot to read into that harmless little interaction, i'll grant you. but you were only recently accused of not listening to her through your entire marriage, which is a huge statement, and in this little interaction you did it twice, first in not clearly soliciting her input on and second in not hearing her question literally and answering it yes or no.

I think half your problem was communicating via text message. Maybe this would have been resolved quicker in a quick phone call, with please and thank you to make it clear youre asking her assistance not imposing on her.

YES!!! And SP, regardless of what happens or who you end up with if anyone, you have to say Please and THANKS when you are asking someone for a favor. Even if it's YOUR child and hers, it's still making HER do something you did not do yourself (or not clearly).

I get the feeling that a favor, a "please" or "thank you" owed is like a point against you on the scorecard. but it's free to say Please and thank you.

costs you nothing....wish you could see how much it costs you NOT to say those words.

You need to clarify it today if you didnt already. How about: "sorry if it seemed like i was assuming... Can you take d to the dentist appt? I wd appreciate it! Let me know either way; if you can't i will take her." Hopefully she will respond to that so you have this little matter cleared up!