Having been divorced in NY, I can say that if she filed the papers then you or your attorney would have been served.
Well I can say I have not been served nor do I have an attorney
Originally Posted By: MrCAS
Does it really matter if you tracked her down or someone snitched on her? Look at how it looks in her eyes. Perception isn't always correct but that is her reality. It is how it looks in her mind.
No it does not matter but honestly I would like to know if any files have been files on me. This could have been put out there when the were fighting....
Originally Posted By: MrCAS
You seem to have this need to be "right". It is a trait that I have as well. It is hard to resist that sweet satisfaction of being right. That ooey gooey goodness... Yeah.
Im not realy the person that has to be right all the time. It is just at this point I just have this desire to know what she is doing is she gay now or not . I just need or would like her to talk to me. most other thaat i talk to that have the sme thing happening they still talk on phone of in person and i do not get why she feels she cant talk to me.
I have learned a valuable lesson. I don't always have to be right. Sometimes it is okay to be wrong or even just not state that you are. [/quote]
You don't NEED to talk to her. You WANT to talk to her. There is a world of difference.
Heck, I want to talk to my W, too. Sometimes it takes what is left of my will and common sense not to pick up that phone and call or text.
If you honestly think that you are going to whisper something in her ear that is going to miraculously turn it all around, you are just fooling yourself.
I read this somewhere... "You are not going to talk yourself out of something you worked your way into."
She can talk to you any time she wants. She is choosing not to. You can not force it. It you try to force that square peg in the round hole, it will prove to be painful. I learned this lesson the first time my W and I separated.
Your little tirade of texts were very belittling at best. That series of texts made me cringe. I was shocked. Do you really think apologizing for them is just going to smooth it over? Not on your life, brother.
Another thought... What is knowing if she is gay or not going to do for you? Is it going to alleviate you of your responsibility in the breakdown of the M? Is it going to make you look better with friends or family that you are getting D'd because she's gay?
I have a buddy in NY that was getting a D because of the very same reason. She was so unhappy in her M that she took up with a lesbian because she thought that her unhappiness was caused by her new found orientation. After she had a four or five month live in affair with the OW, she came to the conclusion that she was really just going through confusion caused by the M and her relationship with her H and really was not gay after all.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Yes, that happened to my sister as well. Not gay after all, but there were a few years where it might have looked like that was the reason her marriage ended. In fact, the marriage was really lonely and dysfunctional for many years.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
well all i can say today is that i am very very very down and about to say screw live . just saying. I saw her brother in the store yesterday and he asked if i talked to WAW at all. I and only texting and get replies when she wants to reply. He said sorry todd. but he also said do you know what is going on . Was not sure what he meant but told him no and that i did want to talk to him alone. well his buddy walked away and he told me that his sister was gay and with the girl that was always over to the house when WAW and I still lived in same house.
I am just so [censored] up and really feel like ending it all. meaning life
Lostforever, I feel for you. I am in a similar situation where my W is possibly gone into a gay relationship or a serious EA with the female friend. But in saying that, it has to be taken the same way as any other normal (not that they are normal) affair. Just because the OM is the same sex, doesn't change the way we deal with the sitch or handle the sitch. Follow the DB principles, yes it is bloody hard, yes it feels like a big hole has swallowed us up, but the reality is we will survive this. Your choice is how well you survive it.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Im doing the best I can im just down. I dont know what to do anymore but do not was a divorce aand maybe that is a problem for me. meaning maybe im the problem and just cant let go. but i do still love the hell out of this girl
I saw WAW monday and she was putting gas in the car and i was getting coffee. i just walked up to her said i just wanted to give you a hug and say Hi . and so I did that. she hugged me and we held for a short time. . I walked away well she then asked how i was doing and i told her i was doing well thank you hope you are ok too. then i walked away had to go to work.
that was good and bad it made me thing of her more.
I just dont know what to do anymore Im just hurting more then i ever have. I was told by the divorce coach told me it was a good thing the way i delt with seeing her. but i Do want to ask WAW if she is a lesbian. the coach said that this is a good thing but needs to be done in a delicate way...
but the first thing i need to do is find a place to live. after that we will deal with the letter. but from now to then no contact for now.
Lostforever, your choice, if your wife is in a lesbian relationship, is it a deal breaker or not. If not, then you know what to continue doing. For me, at this stage of my sitch, it wouldn't be a deal breaker. I am here for the long term.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
None of us here want a divorce. That is why we are here.
However, regardless of the emotions I feel, I am still working towards removing my character flaws that contributed to the downgrade of my M.
I was a very angry person. I swear the birds chirping PO'd me. I have made a lot of improvement in that area. I still have bad days but a whole lot more good ones. I want to talk to my W. I want to see her. Unfortunately, I can't do all that right now and I accept that.
Moping around and feeling like a victim certainly is not going to make me very attractive to her. That is not going to show her that I love her. Making myself a better man is much better plan.
I remember something my former business partner used to say... "The problem with sticking your head up your butt is that the view svcks and it stinks."
Take a hot soak. Take a breath.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
