Crazy little thing called MLC

[Raine]

Here we go. I think we are back in the cycle again. A week and a half of him breaking things off with OW and now I'm pretty sure he is with someone again. I'm not sure of its ow1 or someone new. As snodderly says, I'm sure details will be revealed if I sit quiet and I'm patient. They always are. Positives in that he still wants to talk to me a lot. Negatives in he is back to lying and hiding.

I'm feeling more and more like it's just too much. Talked to MIL and she can't believe I haven't D him yet. She can't believe my patience. At this point, neither can I. And she has no idea about the affairs.

Wedding anniversary came and went. H called me multiple times for different reasons but never mentioned it. I started to cry when he hugged me the next day and he mentioned how well he slept, etc, like wanting me to know our Anni isn't a big deal to him. Once again showing he is in phase 1 of his cycle. He talked to me today about whether or not he thought someone was interested in him. Weirdo. He does know that separated means he is still married right? I feel like I'm cycling now too in the LBS stage. So angry.

I felt so much anger and pain Anniversary night. Pretty sure he was with someone that night, making himself feel better about the anniversary of all the promises we made to each other.

I just don't know if I could ever feel the same about him again. Do I even want to? I find myself praying and asking, have I done enough. Is it time to let go? I keep feeling like yes it is over but hold off on filing for a few reasons which have nothing to do with relationship or working things out. I wonder if part of it is wanting to hurt him. To be free to tell him what a selfish jerk he is.

So wackado H aside, things are going really well. I'm tired and not looking forward to going back to work. I do ask H for help and he always does and getting help from others too. Been getting out of the house with the boys to enjoy the nice weather. So looking forward to school being over with.

Some questions I've been thinking about:

Why do MLCers typically not file for D. Especially in my husbands case where he seems to suffer so much guilt for cheating?

When would you bring up the subject of MLC? What would you recommended for them to read if asked? I talked to my H about it before joining this board but i don't think he remembers it, because there were things in that convo he definitely doesn't remember.