I think it's mostly "tough nut" to crack stuff. Some of the reasons I know of that he doesn't open up to me are:
* He often isn't self-aware enough to be able to articulate why he is upset * He has a very strong aversion to feeling vulnerable, especially by exposing his insecurities * He wants to avoid conflict * He wants to believe that problems will go away on thier own
Reasons that have to do with me are: * He doesn't want to "hurt" me * He doesn't want me to personalize things * He worries about his emotions coming out as anger, and that if he shows anger, I will be afraid of him or won't love him any more.
I'm sure that there is more. I don't think that he's worried about me trying to fix things, because once he DOES open up about a problem, we do a pretty good job of joint-problem solving and he ends up feeling relieved.
Ellie was mentioning something on her thread the other day about changing our reactions so that our partners are more likely to talk with us on an intimate level. She talked about how important it is to use self-restraint when your partner does communicate with you (especially in regard to infidelity or other matters that are difficult to talk about). She hit on something that (luckily) I figured out early on. No matter what I heard or how I felt about it, I didn't react, and did a good job of appearing detached.
I guess when it really comes down to it, I accept that Wolfie is the way he is and I don't think he will ever be a great deal different. I do want to increase the level of our communicating so that it is at a healthier level and not destructive to our R. It's a fine line to toe.
