Moving forward with my life

[cbtdad]

Been over here for 30 mins. So far I have kept my distance. She can outside once, but like I said I was only preparing for this if she brings it up and continues to ask how I know things. If not i will go on my happy way without saying a word after dinner

[cbtdad]

Well the distancing definitely didn't go well in the end. But I don't think it could have gone any better than that. There was a lot said and a lot she opened up about. I was able to say the things I wanted to in a non controlling way.
She did bring up about how I knew she was lying. I told her i didnt think there was a reason to discuss those things at this time. If we get to the point were we need to lay it on the table then we can do so then. She agreed and didn't ask again.
Before that in the kitchen she had said that she feels alone. I said I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I don't think it's my place to talk to you about that at this time. She asked what I meant and I just said as long as you are involved with someone else I don't feel it's my place to have those discussions with you.
So later outside she said she didn't like that I said she had a boyfriend. I said what do you want me to say, Sunday night you said "you guess" when I asked if you were in a relationship. She said I don't see it like that and I don't think he does either. She said for her it just seems like a diversion and that's she is running from her problems.
From there she opened the door to just talk about her and our son. I jut listened and validated where I could. I didn't tell what she should do, I just told her what I have been doing for myself.
She said that I seem a lot happier and she resents that a little because she thought she would be happier by leaving me.
She asked if she thought it would be a conflict of interest for her to see the MC we saw individually because she really liked her.
I suggested she inquire about that through her office if she thought was something she wanted to do.
There was a lot of laughing and joking around as well.
I did tell her that I haven't changed my thoughts about wanting to try to work on our marriage at some point, but wants most important to me is that she is happy for our son even if that's without me.
Overall in my opinion it couldn't have gone any better. I got to make my points about not wanting to discuss hear things from here on forward and got to talk a lot about her wanting to work on herself without controlling and telling her what to do

[MrCAS]

It is hard to change a pattern of thinking that we men have spent years perfecting. I think you are making good improvements.

Nice job backing away from that cliff.

[cbtdad]

Thanks MrCas!
I'm just trying to improve myself on a daily basis and learn as I go.
I have no expectations where things are going at this point for the first in a long long time. That feels good

[Accuray]

Well done! I love that you were not her emotional sponge. Good for you cbtdad!

[uRworthy]

Good on you, C. The important thing is, how do you feel about you right now?

And just one little, tiny thing. LOL! You have said it enough, I think, that you want to work on the marriage. She heard it, right? No need to say those words again.

She will know where you are if she is thinking about it. She can find you and then you get to decide what you want at that point.

[cbtdad]

Thanks Acc. I felt like I was her emotional sponge for how she is feeling about working on her. She said a few times that she's scared that he just is never going to be happy. I validated and then said I can promise you this. If you try it won't get any worse than you feel right now. But you need to figure that out for you.
I did not let her out any of the other baggage on me at all. I did say that I do take some responsibility for us getting to the point of us being separted, but I will not be blamed for choices that continue to be made.
Urworthy I feel great. I feel like we both realize that we just need to work on each other individually

[adinva]

cbtdad, you did great.

[cbtdad]

Thanks!

[Spartan]

I agree, I think you did good yesterday.

Now the hard part...not reaching out to talk or text anymore for a little while.