First, generally speaking members don't post personal names of spouses or children. It is fine if you do not have a problem with that. If you do and want that info removed from a post, click the "notify" link at the bottom right of the post in question and indicate instructions for a mod.
That said, you are welcome to do what ever you want as far as letting your W know how you feel and what you want. What is coming across quite clear though, is that you are really trying to control the outcome.
For example with the child care, what does it really matter if you do a one year schedule? If you keep pressing for a month by month, she is likely to think that you are trying to control her / not listening to her. It is coming across the same way with the passports.
Right now... she is not wanting a future with you and so will resist anything that keeps her tied to you, in any way. As much as it might scare you, it will either be the reality, whether you want it or not, or she will get the freedom she wants and realize that it still does not make her happy.
As far as the gifts your W gave to the kids, that is not uncommon. Your W is trying to soften the blow with gifts. When a man does this, they are sometimes called "Disney Dads". Understand that kids are smart and this still won't stop their pain.
You may very well get more mileage out of DB if you get to "letting her go", stop trying to control the outcome, continue to build a great R with your kids, and work on yourself to become a man only a fool would leave. If that does not save your M, then she is a fool and you have made great strides to any future R or M you may have, with whomever that might be.
