I dont want to bring the old me into any relationship ever again
I agree 100% and I honestly don't know if I can do either.
I have so much self hate.
I fall back into my old/current ways so easily.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Oh, man. The ole "I thought I was good...now I'm sobbing on the floor what happened" moments. Normal. All normal. I still have them. The just get less intense because A. I don't fight it B. I don't let it make me question how far I have come.
This stuff is HARD! So, so hard. Emotional up and downs are par for he course. Just keep moving through your emotions. Feel them, don't react and you will change. It's happening now.
Just caught up with you. You seem to really be doing so well!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
The hardest part for me is facing my fears, pain, issues. I want to find someone to comfort me or go to bed and not face my crap.
It is also really hard for me to look at what really scares me and see it. Can't I just build something...
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Sure you can keep building crap, but you are doing such a good job of tearing it down. Harder work, I know. But it has taken you all your life to build these walls and fortresses, they ain't all comin' down in a day, a week, a month or possibly a year. Yet every chink let's you have another view, let's some light in. Revel in the sun, turn your face towards it and feel good about today.
Im soooooooo with you about wanting to be comforted and in bed- I know that if I dont stay in perpetual motion - stick a fork in me.....im done.
Its why im always goal setting and thinking about whats next. If im not always chopping down my list ill have no other ways to feel some success over some aspect of my current life.
Lets face it JP- If we depend on our wives right now for self esteem and/or confidence - WE ARE SCREWED!
Lift that head up!
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Hiya J! You want to see some color and bold type? Is that a challenge? LOL!
Ok, listen, you are still so new to this. You are going to still have bad days and it's ok.
In order to learn how to love you, you have to face your fears, your pain. You have to figure out how you got here so you can figure out where you are going.
The thing of it is, that there is no short cut. In order to do it, you have to go through it.
And you dont want to skep any parts because each step is so important.
I know it is so hard. I do. But it is in facing our fears that we can grow.
Well sent W candy bouquet for Nurses week and then I texted her to see if she had interest in dinner or a walk (I know). She said dinner was fine and asked if pizza was ok, I said yes. I threw out suggestions including where as in restaurant, home, park. She said for me to choose and either restaurnt or park was fine. So I got pizza, bottled water, brownies and a blanket and asked her to meet me at a park. Got there, laid out blanket and ate and talked about random things. Mostly Kids and her day at work. I didnt touch her and we spent about an hour and a half there. It was nice, like friends I guess. Said goodbye, hoped for a hug, but didn't get one.
Back to me now and not asking again, I guess. IDK why i did, I guess I just miss her and am weak.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I was going to question your AMAZING generosity then ask you about what the difference between what happened and what your definition of persuing was.......But your already doing that yourself
Instead, as I read your post something else stuck out
Originally Posted By: jp787
and asked if pizza was ok, I said yes. I threw out suggestions including where as in restaurant, home, park. She said for me to choose and either restaurnt or park was fine.
JP- do you offer her all the options and leave it to her to make the decision most/all of the time?
What does JP want for dinner? What are your plans?
Im wondering if this would be a worthwhile 180 for you to persue?
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
and JP - that comment box.....yup YOU taught me how to do that
((((((JP))))))
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
