Moving forward with my life

[Jeack]

Just DO NOT let her drag you into a argument about it. You worked to hard to let her catch you in a backslid.

[Mach1]

Mach,
My goal right now is to distance myself. Would I like to reconcile? Maybe if she works on herself and changes some things as well.
The person she had been the last 6-8 months is absolutely someone I do not want to be with. And the fact that I did not see that as a controlling statement is exactly why I told her that I do not want to involve myself with her or anyone new for that matter until I fix me. I have a made a lot of progress but i still have a long way to go.
No question lately it seems like she wants to have her cake and eat it to. She wants to have this new thing and lean on me for emotional support. That is something I will not do while she is involved with someone else. So the only way I know how to say that is to say there is nothing to discuss while you are involved with someone else.
I don't know how else to put it

Our points........
............................are not aligned


Or are they ?


CB...

Dude, you get on the edge of these cliffs, and you are just itching to jump off...

You don't really know why, or how. You just know that you WANT to jump..

You are so ready and willing to engage her on any little thing , and you are willing to stand on the Soapbox and judge her, and control her.

And I gotta say, until YOU are ready to see it, nothing will be any different....

Now, you can tell me that you don't see it, and don't want to see it, and I will be okay with it.

Tell me what you want....


Oh, and BTW....

I was thinking something like this...

Wife, I don't feel as though there is anything that we need to discuss at this point. I have decided that I can no longer allow myself to be in a relationship, where my partner makes consistent choices to emotionally and physically engage herself with another man.


Is there a difference between yours and mine ???



Where is the focus ???

[Jeack]

Advina to the rescue!!!!! Well said.

[cbtdad]

Yes advina. That shows me how controlling of a person I have been because I do see this as splitting hairs

[cbtdad]

Thanks Mach.
No, I don't see it at all. I think I am just as confused as wife at this point. Lol

The way you worded it doesn't sound controlling at all. It seems to be putting focus on me and why I don't wont to discuss anything instead of "demanding why we shouldn't talk"

[Jeack]

Not to hijack your page but Advina and Mach just made me realize how much work I still have left to do on using the correct words at the right time.

Sorry again for the hijack.

Now back to your normally scheduled program

[cbtdad]

One thing though Mach. I don't feel like we are in a relationship and have been saying that for a couple months.
There has been no dating, no physical contact, nothing since December.
I feel like its all game playing which is why I guess I feel like jumping off the cliff at times and moving forward

[Mach1]

One thing though Mach. I don't feel like we are in a relationship and have been saying that for a couple months.
There has been no dating, no physical contact, nothing since December.
I feel like its all game playing which is why I guess I feel like jumping off the cliff at times and moving forward

I'm sorry, I missed the part where your Divorce was final ???

The boundary is what is best for you, AND the marriage...

You are standing for both.....right ???

[cbtdad]

I hear you:)

[cbtdad]

I will make sure these things are not said in a controlling manner. I know he has to walk this journey on her own. I just want to make it clear to her that I don't want to discuss these things at this time, that's all.
I will report back later on tonight. Thanks for everyone's advice!