I had another call today - asking for an invitation to my eldest son's birthday party. Hmmmm I almost fell over. I am at a loss. And a long and confusing conversation about how he didn't mean to hurt my dil. I had to explain as if to a rather dim child, that his actions had been incredibly hurtful to her, and that was what mattered. He finally appeared to get it, but he is odd, and I am not sure I have the energy for all of this oddness.
i think he has got it into his head that I am involved with someone. I had got used to life without him and I will tell you the emerging MLCer is still a pretty peculiar human being.
What do our marriage vows really mean? although divorce is a piece of paper it does change things. This poses some hard questions.
And yes, calgy, my xh was a very very mean man. He certainly isn't firing on all cylinders right now either
Bea, Your xh is a little bit like mine was/is. They are a bit strange when they begin waking up because we aren't sure who they are, i.e., they were such mean and angry people for such a long time that we become cautious around them. They feel strange too because they aren't sure of themselves either, so both are very cautious for a while. I do understand what you are saying...believe me...I saw and felt that way as well.
It's not that they are dim witted, but they can't accept what we tell them as to how they behaved and what they said or did. That's why you've had to connect the dots for him. He was in a fog for such a long time and truthfully, they don't remember a lot of what they've said or done and keep in mind, their empathy chip was broken too. Now, as they begin to awaken or as I always say, thaw out, they start to feel again and it takes a while for them to see/hear about all of the destruction that happened during their visit to fantasy land.
Oh, I do think he thinks you are involved w/someone else. Why? Because he cant' accept that you are happy being on your own and doing things indpendently. He can't accept that this is the new Bea and how you've had to endure through the years of mlc destruction. He actually thought you would gladly accept him for who he is right now w/open arms and the door would open wide and you would welcome him back. Boy, he had a rude awakening...didn't he? He's got to do the work and show you and your family that he wants to gain their trust and respect back once again...it's not a simple "let's sweep it under the carpet" deal.
Bea, you honored your marriage vows for many years and yes, the divorce decree does change things completely.
Defintely...your h needs a tune up because he's not firing on all cylinders and won't be for some time. Don't be surprised if he continues to invite you to activities, etc. The man is now on a mission.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you for updating us. You must be a bit gobsmacked to find your xH pursuing you after all this time and so much water under the bridge. I also find it rather fascinating to hear more of the MLC script being followed. Different time frames, all of them, but it seems there are some who actually may get to finish their journey.
As always, take care of you and all the very best of luck.
Hello Beatrice- I haven't been around here for awhile but I have been drawn back here at the moment because of some recent interactions with my XH.
You said "He finally appeared to get it, but he is odd, and I am not sure I have the energy for all of this oddness."
I feel this way as well. My XH has said he was sorry and realizes that he was the problem, blah, blah, blah. He was continually instigating contact so I brought up a few things to just see where he was at. Our last conversation ended with him asking for a hug and kissing me. After that, I told him that I felt like he would possibly like to reconcile but that he couldn't make the effort. His reply was "Enough said. I hear you." That was a week and a half ago and I have had no real contact with him since. So, back in the tunnel he goes which is fine but this "oddness" just makes me crazy! I momentarily felt myself getting sucked back in. I am in a much better place now and I can't let myself go there again...yet there is a part of me that will always love the man which makes it difficult. Do you feel that way? How do you have contact with your X and not let them get under your skin?
Happy Belated birthday, my friend. Glad is was amazing. You deserve nothing less.
You are such a special lady and so I am not surprised at your willingness to explore some kind of relationship with your ex.
If we are to truly believe in MLC, then we know that they are also forever changed during their crisis. They cannot be the same, as we arent.
I know you know that all of this is on your terms. I also know that because of who you are with your wonderful heart, that your hope is that he can play a part in your children's lives.
You have such strength and clarity and I know without a doubt that you will figure it all out.
