Still treading water #4

[uRworthy]

Oh, Grizz. Sending you hugs.

I am so sorry. I know that this is so not what you want.

G, often, they have to see this through.

There is always hope. It is up to you whether you want to hold onto it. I pray you do.

Try not to get ahead of yourself is imaging how all this will go. Take it a day at a time.

Try real hard to put your best you forward.

Hang in there, sweetie. You will get through this. I promise you.

We will be right here.

[Grizz]

Thank you.

[uRworthy]

You are very welcome.

I remember the day my h moved out vividly. I was sick with worry on how I was going to handle it.

I had built it up so much in my mind.

And I am not going to lie, it was difficult. But, it was not nearly as bad as I imagined.

It was sad for me and our son. It was. We made it through. And there was a kind of relief. I felt I could breathe a bit, ya know? I didnt have to think about what I was saying or doing.

So, dont make it bigger than it is. Dont get me wrong, it is big, but, we have a tendency to work ourselves up over things we have no control over.

This is something she feels she needs to do. And loving unconditionally means you want her to figure herself out.

Make sure you eat, rest, excerise and pray if you are so inclined.

And G, you can do this. I know it.

[Fartiltre]

Hi Grizz
I did'nt know where to put the reply - so you will find it in my thread.

[Maritimer]

I feel for ya Grizz, Im going through the same process in my situation.

Our house sold and we need to be out May 30. A day after our house sold she bought a townhouse. I felt it was another nail in the coffin. Its hard to get my spirits up but I really need to.

Your doing a great job with your daughters! Keep up the good work it will mean a lot to them.

Keep your chin up Grizz!

[AnotherStander]

Tomorrow is a new day. I just don't see it getting any better until she moves out. Then i picture life being terrible for a while. Then as time goes on things will have to start getting better. I just hope that is sooner rather than later. June 8th will be hanging over my head for the next month. Every day is one step closer to her being gone. It's all so sad.

Sorry you're going through this! As you know it's almost a carbon copy of my sitch. For me it was pure misery during that interval you're in right now- between W announcing she had a place up until the actual move-out date. When she left I had a rough couple of days but then started feeling a lot better about things. It was actually easier on me once she was gone, that was when I truly started to detach and get more independent. Those feelings lasted for 2 weeks until the first time the kids went to her house to stay for a week and I was home alone for the first time. Man was that awful. That too got better, but even now it hurts a little to turn the kids over to W.

Just keep up the GAL activities when you go through this, that for me was key to getting over the grief and getting used to the "new normal". It sounds like you have a pretty good feel for what you're going to go through so I think that'll help you a lot in being prepared for it. Good luck!

[jp787]

Grizz,
For me when W left it was a life saver. I could not give her the space she needed while she was at home. The night she left I dropped, I mean I was in really bad shape, I lost it emotionally. Fear set in and I felt sick, but I got through it.
For me I honestly can say W and me, WE are in a better place than if she had stayed. It made it easier to focus on me, not that I am close to where I need to be, yet it did help.

No one knows what the future holds, so don't jump ahead of yourself.

Take a day or two to let it all out, then pick yourself back up and start again on your journey.

Come here often and journal.

GAL and spend time with your D's.

You can do this. You will be ok.

[Grizz]

uR, Fartiltre, maritimer, AS and JP, thank you all for the support. I have some close friends around me that I can lean on but the support that I also get here has helped me tremendously.

I can see how when W moves out that detachment will be easier. But it still $ucks! Like tonight, W hasn't been in our bed in weeks but she is lying here right now asleep beside me. Maybe guilt, maybe feeling relief that she is leaving or maybe just to tired/lazy to move. Who knows? Doesn't really matter. I just say this because this is stuff that makes it hard to detach. I miss her terribly being in the same house with her but it is so much worse when she decides to sleep in the bed next to me for the first night in a long time. Especially just after telling me she is leaving. Oh well. This is awful.

Maritimer, sorry about your sitch. But just as you said to me, keep your chin up. Press on.

AS, I so dread the first night at home alone without the kids. It must be miserable.

Why does she have to lay here tonight?! Of all nights!

[Verum]

Grizz, checking in. Saw your comment on my post -- thanks. I've been following your thread too, albeit with a hiatus these past 3 weeks. I'm sorry to hear about how your sitch is changing, but I think you should try (as hard as it is) not to worry too much about the future. June 8th is a month away and much can happen. Also, when she is away, things will be different. Be positive/happy around her, lead a good life, do your thing, and either she will start to see what she will miss, or at the very least you'll be in a better place.

BTW, when she moves out, where will you be? I think, if my W was to move out, I would be away from the house that day. I know others have helped their WAS move out, but I don't think I could do that. It's something to think about. It will be a lasting memory for both of you.

best of luck.

[Grizz]

Thanks SA. I have actually thought about my plans for move out day and honestly I don't know what I am going to do. No answer that I can come up with seems to be the right answer.

W actually got up last night after midnight and went to the other room. So, maybe she was just too tired to leave any sooner.

Press on Grizz.