Sometimes the mlcer will go into his/her hole and you may not hear from them for a long time and then, there are others who are constantly in contact. He will contact you again.
While he's circling earth, please take care of yourself. Do something special for yourself. Okay?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I just knew you were a sci-fi person lol. I haven't read Adams' books in years and had forgotten about that gun. Yes, they would come in handy nowadays wouldn't they?
Quote:
I wish I knew if this silence is forever.
On a somber note... I'm not sure anything is forever anymore...
Certainly not my M, not H's love for me, or even my love for him.
Snodderly knows her stuff. If she says he'll contact, that's where I'd put my money. Maybe S could give you an expiration date of sorts.... X number of months? Or something like a holiday or birthday? I know she's not a fortune teller, but I do see your point about the white flag... there must be a best practice- schedule for that. 6 months, 6 years... or 20 years? Like that show you saw?
Are you still a reader Portia? I often am, seem to go in fits and starts. Haven't read much recently but am getting the itch again. Do you have any fave authors other than Adams? (In that vein, I also like The Red Dwarf by Naylor)
Cheers!!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Hi Snodderly and MizJ, always great to hear from you!
If someone were writing a literary novel about my life right now the author would not even have to use creative licence with the weather to match my moods. Our winter here has been very very long (seriously snow still on the ground) but the sun is coming through! Yes MizJ I love to read (almost anything) but have had a bit of trouble concentrating lately. But there is nothing like a good book.
So yes I am doing OK. There are some rough areas but I am learning. Living with depression is something else I never thought I would experience. Not at all what I thought it would be like. There are little joys everyday. The most recent was helping a fledgling bird who thought I was her mom and did not want to leave my hands.
No word from xSO. I am beginning to feel a bit ambivalent about hearing from him. The longest time we ever went without speaking was about six weeks. We were not living together at the time. We had a fight about something. I was going through a career setback so I am sure I was not pleasant to be around. At the most difficult times of my life it seems that he has always cut and run. Anyway it took six weeks for him to finally make contact. I know he remembers this time frame and I wondered if that would be the case now.
I know he remembers because it was the only time that I did not cave. I do not have the ability to hold a grudge or be angry for long. It was one of his complaints about me. How I could blow up like a volcano but then be fine a little while later when he wanted to stay angry.
My plan was to wait out the six weeks at least (another week and a half) and then decide from there.
Snodderly, MizJ asked a good question. Is there a point when I should consider contacting him? When has too much time gone by?
Thanks much!!
PS. So I oozed my geek vibe, did I MizJ? No getting away from it I guess.
Portia, Please sit quietly and be patient. He will contact you when he realizes that you are not folding. It's a waiting game and he wants you to fold because he thinks he's got the power to make you beg for his attention. Be patient and wait a while longer. He needs to feel his loss.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Please sit quietly and be patient. He will contact you when he realizes that you are not folding. It's a waiting game and he wants you to fold because he thinks he's got the power to make you beg for his attention. Be patient and wait a while longer. He needs to feel his loss.
Thank you. I know that you are not a fortune teller, the reason I was hoping for a timeline was simply to set goals for me. Since setting the "six week" goal - not to wait to contact him but as a goal for me not to contact him - I have felt more peaceful and more focussed on other things. I was hoping that you might help me set that next goal, assuming he does not contact me within that time frame. NOT as a drop date for contacting him, but just a "check in" date. I have never had this kind of experience before so I am not sure what is even realistic.
I sometimes suspect that at a certain point, I will not need the "goals". He has clearly moved into Wonderland without me.
Another question: the longer he does not initiate contact, the more peaceful I become, does it work for the MLCer that way, too? Or do are thier minds just so different that this time away from the LBS does not bring them peace?
[quote][Another question: the longer he does not initiate contact, the more peaceful I become, does it work for the MLCer that way, too/quote]
Hi portia.
I can't answer this question (sure it won't be long before I ask the same myself). But I did want to say how fantastic you are doing. You sound like you are coping well and I find your strength very inspiring.
Take care!
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Portia, If you are trying to set a timeline for yourself, set it for July (not to contact him). It's really not that far away and I think you can do this w/o any problem. Yes, you will become more peaceful as time goes by and there isn't any contact w/the mlcer. Why? Because your contact w/him will not be stirring up all of the memories/emotions that you have for this man. As for him...his mind works differently. Right now, he most likely doesn't realize how much time has lapsed. Their clocks runs slower than ours and that's why it's important that we not focus on how long it's been. Why? Because life is speeding by and there are so many things happening each and every day and when he does surface again, things will have changed so much in the here and now.
Try not to focus on how long it's been. The old saying "a watched pot never boils" is so true. Put that pot on the stove and let is simmer until he's cooked up nicely.
Portia, keep the focus on you!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
