My Story - Need Advice (Thread 2)

[jp787]

Chris, I think you are doing something I do and it really, really is counter productive.

Your anticipating the worst.

Try to listen to what Accuray and Sparton have said.

I have had sat through hard conversations with my W when I was not ready and when I was and this is what I learned:

When I was not ready:

1. When she talked, I didn't not hear her, I was thinking about what W was going to say, just waiting for her to say the worst.

2. I was ready to defend myself or try to fix whatever she said.

3. My body language was of fear and defensiveness.

When I was ready:

1. When she talked, I heard what she said, I was calm and had a plan of just letting her say whatever it was that she had to say, knowing it was what she felt and since I love her, I wanted to really hear what she had to say.

2. I listened to what she said, I validated by repeating back to her what she had said (this also helps me to remember what she really said) and then I said that must feel... or something to that effect.

3. My body language was relaxed, I was facing her, there were no distractions and I kept eye contact with her.

The difference was amazing, she felt like I really listened, she was relaxed and I think she thought who is this person?

Did it fix anything? No, yet it was one small step in letting my W know I cared about her and one small step for me that I can change.

Remember your there as her friend, to hear her and that is all.

You can do this... When your ready!