Hit hard still taking another step forward.

[AnotherStander]

That's awesome T! Fantastic progress! Like cbtdad said, take it slow. There are still going to be backslides, don't freak out when they happen, just remember your DB'ing and stick with it. She said she's scared, that's going to manifest itself in her pushing you away after things get "too close". This can especially happen after ML.

Your boundaries were well thought out and appropriate. I'm concerned that she so readily agreed to them. Did you discuss enforcement of these boundaries, things like giving each other access to phones and email?

If you're still living apart then keep it that way for a while, ease back into this. Look over the stickies in the Piecing forum for more advice.

Good luck!

[T1000]

Thanks AS. The boundaries were really easy and it was something I really wasn't looking forward to.

Didn't discuss enforcement. You have me thinking now.
It's something I will bring back up. I'm probably just going to ask her how she is able to have NC with OM especially if they went to the same gym and go from there.

Gonna have a good read in the piecing forum. Thanks

[stilllookingup]

.........

WOW.

I'm so happy for you!! What a progress! And I love that you told her about the roller coaster after you went. Honestly, if I hear a man saying "I'm gonna do this" I'd just think "Ok good for you" but when I hear him saying he's done it before I even knew about it, I'd be so impressed just like how your W was! Good for you & I'm so proud of you!!! oh I'm sure the people in line you told that you were there to get over the fear must have talked about you to their friends later. That is just a cool thing to do. Who goes on a roller coaster alone, let alone going to an amusement park alone!

Reading your update and the talk with your W - it's like a different person from a week ago. You were so concerned about how your W would think/react. But this time you were able to tell her firmly "This is how I'm feeling and you need to not have any contact at all with OM"

I wonder if she had sent the bouquet of flowers to herself to make you jealous.. you know like in When Harry Met Sally

Lastly I wanted to comment -
When my H and I broke up once when we were dating, I dated a guy. From the beginning in my mind he was just a transitional guy. I wasn't even thinking about dating or going in another relationship but he really liked me and I caved. He knew that I had just broken up with my bf and I'd always tell him I still had hopes. He then would tell me "Hope is a bad thing (WTF??)" He was saying that because he wanted me to forget about H. He was nice and fun but he just wasn't H. We had gone on few dates and we slept together. You know how people always say men can sleep with women without being emotionally attached but women have to be emotionally attached to even have sex? Well it turned out it wasn't entirely true. I was NEVER emotionally attached to this guy. I just liked him but that's about it. It didn't matter what he did to please me, I was always thinking about my H.

So when your W is telling you how she felt about this OM, I believe her. She thought you were done, her mother thought you were done. Let me tell ya mothers are so concerned about daughters they will suggest whatever they think would make us happy again. My mom just flew over from our mo country just to see how I was. When she was leaving she told me she was glad I was more than ok. The next day she went back, she was calling me if I was ok. It was quite frankly getting annoying! lol but I could see how she was/is SO beyond belief worried.

I said it before but you've come a long way and is a different better person now. Just like others said, take it slow and don't forget where you are right now. And most importantly "LISTEN." We love guys who actually listen to us.

[T1000]

Thanks SLU.

I appreciate you taking the time to tell me your experiences.

Listening is going to be at the top of my goal list.

It's weird right now, it's like I don't know when to text her.
I don't want to ramble and I don't want to ignore her. I don't want to bore her and I want her to think that I am thinking of her. Strange!

[stilllookingup]

Treat her like a girl you've just met and want to date. Even if we say we are not we are all hopelesslly romantic. Send her simple texts sometimes, (don't overdo it) just to say you've been thinking about her..

No kids talk. Just about her.

If I got a text from my H just saying he's been thinking about me. I'd just melt That's something I always wanted to see/hear throughout our marriage. Husbands (in general) seem to stop doing that cute little thing when they are married for a long time.

[AnotherStander]

Th
It's weird right now, it's like I don't know when to text her.
I don't want to ramble and I don't want to ignore her. I don't want to bore her and I want her to think that I am thinking of her. Strange!

She doesn't want you to suddenly turn all needy and grabby, that'll push her away. Take it slow and easy! If she texts, then reply back. If she doesn't, it's OK to reach out now and then but don't blow her phone up.

[T1000]

Thanks

Talking about the kids is always the fallback mode and I should stay away from it. just her.

[Jeack]

Wow that is so awesome T!!

[T1000]

Thanks Jeack!

[Fartiltre]

Hi T

Just read your update!

This is properly the best news in my life for the last weeks so I can't imagine the impact on your brains I am so happy for you and I am sitting here typing with a childish smile on my face!

Knowing that this can be done is beautiful and knowing that you actually did it is even better!

Since I don’t know anything about piecing and don’t want to at the moment I can’t offer any advice at all!

I hope we don’t lose you too quick in here! You have given me good guidance several times and I hope you will keep posting. At the same time I can now add another story to my list of hope-keepers!


All the best!