Holy moly, I thought my H was a totaly POS! Mine is all excited about the baby. Wow, I am so sorry you have to deal with this!
First. DO NOT CONTACT OW!!! You won't get her to see anything. They lie to the OW, they lie to us. They are scared of losing one, both, EVERYONE! I fantasize about it all the time. My H is not only sleeping with her, but some side piece nurse at his gma's nursing home. I constantly debate texting her the screen shots of the texts. Not because I even want him back, but because I don't want to her "win". Yep, you read that right. What does she win? A man who is currently cheating on her with a married nurse and begging his PREGNANT wife to take him back. Sick? Maybe, but it's a feeling I have. There is still a 5% part of me that wants him too. I still love him. And, frankly, when we do D I just don't want this woman in my kids life. She is trash. Oh, and my OW knows I'm pregnant. Still with him. Yeah, it won't make a difference. What is one more kid? Plus, when it comes down to it, if you work this out you will need him to have come back because he wants to, not because you ruined OW for him. Then he just finds another OW. Or you worry he does. It will end on it's own.
I LOVE that you walked in while he was on speaker phone. Have you given it any thought to setting some boundaries for contact with OW? While my H was living at home, I set no contact with OW at our home. I had other boundaries as well. That stuff is just hard to hear. Even me, separated almost 4 months, and I wast a divorce...had to get something from his truck last night and found an overnight bag in his truck to stay with OW. I sobbed, and sobbed. It hurts to see it infront of your face.
But, I never let him know I saw that. I just take in the information, and don't say anything to him. Just because you have it, doesn't mean you need to react. Since you are still hoping to save your M, that is my BIGGEST Suggestion. You are emotional, hormonal. If you get info, sit on it for a few days. Talk about it here. That has been my biggest lesson from DB. I was always very reactionary. Now, I'm purposeful in my interactions. It's amazing!!!
Big HUGS!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
