Mana, Mana! Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo! Part 2

[Tallula]

Rough night. Rough, rough night.

IC went well, she told me to make a list of the boundaries I need for H to move back into the house. Know my dealbreakers ie sleeps in basement bedroom, no OW while living here, phone records, no putting the moves on me, makes dinner 2 nights a week, does dishes on the nights I cook, and picks the kids up from daycare 2 nights a week.

So, I get out of my appointment and had some missed calls from my dad and aunt. Not normal. So, my 45 year old uncle has stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver. Given 2 months to a year if he doesn't stop drinking. Multiple curse words. I get to McD's to get the kids from H. We were outside the car. I just let all my emotions fly. Told him off for banging anything that moves, how I angry I am that someone who was suppose to me my partner, my confidant and lover could purposely and with forethought devastate my security to my CORE! (yeah, I may have been a wee dramatic. All true, non the less, hilariously dramatic. It gets better. All in all, it reminds me of my favorite scene from Christmas vacation) How I laugh and laugh at main OW who thinks she is so amazingly wonderful that he would leave his wife and babies to be with her shiny (um, I may have used a word that rhymes with hussy) all while he is schtupping a nurse at his gma's nursing home and begging the aforementioned wife to take him back. Why in the holy heck does anyone think I can get my uncle to stop drinking and killing himself when I can't get my H to stop sticking it every warm body?! "I just want someone to come to my house, tell me I'm beautiful, that everything will be ok, fold some laundry, do the dishes, schtupp me and bring me some multiple curse words frozen yogurt and get out. Oh, and the G D garage door sensor is all messed up so I kicked it repeatedly!! It's broken. You're welcome." He looks at me
H "You done?"
:blink: Me "Yea"
H "That was impressive!" smiling.
Me "Really? Cause it felt good."
H "I bet! I'm a grade A a$$clown. I've been waiting for you to do that."
Me "You really are. Wow."
H "I will never be able to forgive myself or make up for ever making you feel you are anything less than amazing."
Me "Nope. You won't. A+ for really shredding it up good, though." laughing
H "I mean, really. How in the world did I even convince myself that any of this was your fault?! I'm really one messed up dude. You are right to run in the other direction. Heck, If I could, I would. I can't belive (uncle) is dying. This [censored]."
M "Yeah." I cried. He held me. I went home. Put the kids down and just sobbed all night.

When it comes down to it, I'm healthy. My kids are healthy. My cousin is 12. His dad is dying. My uncle, my friend. He is in hell. 18 years ago he, my other uncle and I were super close. We all were partiers. My uncle killed himself, we found him on my 18th birthday. Things have just never been the same. I got sober, my uncle continued to drink...be dry...drink...be dry. Today I'm sad. I'm real sad.

It's moments