thank you for your reply. she moved out on Sunday to new house which is just round the corner. Quite difficult for us all and the children in particular. she has compensated by buying them mini iPads as presents at new house and then on sat a quite expensive toy each. both these actions were without consultation and I was very angry, in the case of the iPads I did not remain detached.
We have also been doing counselling for last 5 weeks. WAS sees it as pointless, thinks nothing will change, I cannot change etc. All very understandable from her perspective and straight out of DB for WAS. I have been trying hard to show I am listening. one strong message from the counselling has been that she has a deep desire to be heard, going back to her adolescents and she felt I did not hear or listen therefore I was taking her foregranted and could not possibly care.
A 180 to this would be to listen attentively and really validate what she is saying, I find this difficult to do mainly because if she will expect me to agree with her and she has always been very controlling. I am. To sure she realises she is doing it, I am going to be assertive but also need to demonstrate that I am listening.
This is my email to her answering her questions and W annotations.
in summary I think 180 is to really listen and I need to do without giving her control
Me
Hi WAS
I have corrected the typos in red so it should make more sense. On the boxes I have not moved anything and mum said she has lifted vacuumed and put back. I have no idea where they are, do you really think that I would move them and then withhold that information from you?? Sorry, I was not implying that you had taken them. I will check again tonight and you are welcome to come and look.
I do not understand why you bring the question of trust regards the passports. You raised the passport as an issue - do you not trust me?
WAS
"Of course I trust you, I just think it is fair that we have one each?
ME
I think it would be better to have the passports held neutrally that is all. "
I have asked for advice, either they all need to be with advocates or we hold one of each. Whatever we decide also needs to apply to the !! and && passports.
There are no fleeces for Lily so if you can send one of them back please. She has a pink fleece in her wardrobe at St Honorine, hanging up. I think your mum bought it recently.
WAS "What jumper do you mean? Her school jumper?"
ME
We need to complete the sale of the house, I am waiting on the bank confirming they are OK with the valuation, there was some questions in relation to the extension and access to the party wall.
The division of the “other stuff” in the house should be simple. You should have all the stuff the you brought into the relationship. I think this should be easy to do and just needs to be equitable and resolved in the next couple of months. I will put down my thoughts by this weekend.
I want to check you are OK if I pack up the remaining stuff from the wardrobe and bathroom?
WAS "Do what you wish"
Me 44 WAS 41 T 11 S 8 D 5 DB November 2012 EA and PA discovered December 2012 WAS moved out 4 May 2013 Share residence of S and D 50/50 WAS moves in with OM 1 September 2013.
