Part of me just wants him to file. Part of me wants him to realize what a HUGE mistake he's made.
I wish I knew God's plan for me. Time will tell.
Given these emotions, your decision to stick to your boundaries (mowing the lawn) and sitting on things is wise. You are doing great GTO. You are a wonderful person and mother.
And yes, time will tell. ((((((( )))))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
GTO, you sound a lot more empowered and self-assured. That's awesome. The lawn? My H did the same. Said it was too soon to sell the lawnmower and that he could just come over every two weeks and do the lawn. It's good you showed independence but at the same time ask yourself if during the M your H didn't feel needed. That might be a 180 for you. It's the only food for thought I can come up with. Great job, and yes, time will tell.
Thanks, ruby, Papa & Tori, for your support and input!
Roller coaster day. Started w going to church w boys. Sometimes I feel most sad there as I sit alone in worship (boys go off to Sunday School), although I very rarely went to church w H in past (I used to teach SS instead of sitting in church).
Also, Mother's Day was talked about & to be honest I am feeling very sad about Mother's Day--first one since MIL has passed away. Won't be getting together w SIL since she's also going thru chemo...so another holiday NOT to look forward to. (I did call & invite FIL to our home, as I know it will be a difficult day for him as well).
So, we got home & H called to say he wasn't sure he was coming by today as he hadn't been sleeping well or feeling well & needed to do some work.
We talked for a bit and I opened up that I was having a difficult morning and he shared that he too was having a difficult time. He said he thinks that his mother's illness had more to do w our current sitch than he even thought previously.
(His EA started about 6 months after his M was diagnosed w ovarian cancer & he started pulling away/becoming distant from me and our family.)
BUt time cannot be turned back and forward to the only way to go. Based on our conversation from 2 weeks ago he feels "stuck" in limbo-either here nor there & wants to get free from this. Unfortunately he has made it clear that the only way he sees forward is w OW and to get a D (as he stated 2 weeks ago, but has not brought up again since (yet)).
Anyway I said that it was fine he was not coming over & that the boys would be okay (& they were). I also said as gently as I could that I think it's time we talk about the weekends, as it sends mixed signals to the boys that he comes here but doesn't live here.
I am ready to give up time w the boys NOT to see H at the house on the weekends. I feel like I need the physical distance from him, scheduled time to GAL w/o having to ask him if he minds staying w the boys on a particular night, and clarity of what a D will more likely be like for him & for boys (& me too).
I enjoyed the rest of the day w boys (although I did think about H a lot).
And, again, I was sort of glad he's not doing well b/c somehow it gives me more hope that he's not really sure about his decisions.
GAL plans in progress-- Boys & I are thinking of having a Memorial Day BBQ/party. Don't know whether to invite H or not. Any input about that?
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
No advice, just know that the thoughts and prayers of many are with you.
Stay strong!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Went for a long group bike ride tonight. Was a lot of fun- great GAL. But as usual, after a great GAL, I have a difficult emotional battle.
For me I had sacrificed time for me and away from boys. H stepped up and helped more than usual. HOwever, when we got home at 9:20 tonight there was still homework not done, laundry to be folded, lunches for tomorrow to be made, dishes to do, Mom, will you read with me? Mom, I need money for a field trip by tomorrow! Mom, can I have a hug?
YES, OKAY and YES!
S11 calls H at bedtime and I was exhausted and a bit frustrated that I had all these things to do w no help. So, unfortunately I vented a bit to H. And, he put ME ON SPEAKER while I was talking to him so I asked if I was on speaker (as I knew I was) and he said yes b/c he was fixing himself something to eat.
I said, "Well, you obviously have more important things to do than speak w me!" I hung up.
I know, not good DBIng. He called right back but I told S11 he could answer but I had things to do and could not talk to him.
Later I texted him "H, I'm sorry I took my frustration out on you. I appreciate the effort you made to help out extra so I could go on a bike ride. Thank you."
No response yet, but am sure he was already in bed.
I really feel awful when I slide into "ugly, angry mode," and especially when any of that comes out toward H or my boys.
But, I have to forgive myself and move on. Not sure I will try another GAL during the school week as this evening was too crazy in the end.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
On another note, seeing another L tomorrow for further clarity on my rights should H file. Just want confirmation that what other L's said is spot on (& consistent).
Still wearing my wedding ring. I figure as long as I am married I will wear my ring. I know others think differently.
Weirdly I am already thinking about what I want my next R to look like. And, I have to admit when I talk to men I do look at their wedding finger and I do wonder if they are not wearing one what their sitch is...................I know I am getting waaaay ahead of myself and I know I need to HEAL before I am ready for another R, but I do know I want a partner in life that wants to be w me- bruises and all.
Anyone ever have similar thoughts??? (Of course I fantasize that H will come around again & start flirting w me & realize OW is NOT what he wants & it is really me that he longs for deep in his heart....but I don't let myself stay in this fantasy for long.)
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
You sound wonderful! Feeling "ready" to move forward is an awesome place. Scary, sad, hopeful, empowering. Wow. Sit in it. It will flucuate, as all our emotions do in this sitch. But you are amazing!!
OMG, I have been fighting with my H over the mowing too!! I get it, he doesn't want his 7 months preggo wife mowing the lawn...but I don't want him hanging out at the house. I work 3 days a week, you can mow then!! I ended up having a neighbor come over and show me how to start the dang mower.
My H and I do plan on trying mediation once it comes to D time. In our state, probably most, you can use a lawyer to mediate and hammer things out. WAAAAAAAAAY cheaper. I spoken to lawyers, I've gathered all my intel and whatnot, but I hope to go that route when the time comes. No need to completely finanacially emplode ourselves. You might want to look into that too. I agree with letting your H file.
Wow, big steps you've taken. I'm soooooo proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Still wearing my wedding ring. I figure as long as I am married I will wear my ring. I know others think differently.
There's not a solid DB rule on this. Some people think it should be removed so it's not perceived as "pressure" on the WAS, others think it sends the wrong message to the WAS. So do what you feel is right. I hadn't worn one for many years, so it wasn't a bridge I had to cross.
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Weirdly I am already thinking about what I want my next R to look like.
I think that's fine, thinking about it and doing it are two different things. For me I had to do this (think about future R's) as part of my detachment.
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(Of course I fantasize that H will come around again & start flirting w me & realize OW is NOT what he wants & it is really me that he longs for deep in his heart....but I don't let myself stay in this fantasy for long.)
I don't even allow myself such fantasies because W seems to cold/ indifferent I can't imagine it ever happening. It's just so surreal to see W this way, even before we dated she pursued me pretty aggressively. I was dating her best friend at the time, LOL! She's definitely not the same person she used to be.
