Is it humanly possible to drop the rope?

[AJM]

"I'm all introspective" LOL. You always have been. You just have the time to explore it more now.

I will look forward to reading the book.

For what it's worth, I agree that at the time it was horror and fear. It's just that looking back, I realize that because I can look back, it was an unpleasant time in life where I had to look at many things. Many I didn't want to look at, at the time. But I was forced to, like so many of us. And what I found is that while it was unpleasant and even "horrible" at the time, I am not sorry for that time in my life. I'm thankful for the time and the ability to learn from it. For the chance to be me without the criticisms, or the emotional drama brought about by my ex. It's not there isn't still drama from her. She still writes like it's one of her smut books from time to time. But I'm different. And yet, the same. I'm the same me that likes to laugh, enjoys some downtime from time to time, and enjoys being active and successful. I still enjoy my time with my son. I also enjoy my time with friends, which is something I had given up for a while when I was going through that time so I could focus on what was important to me.

In the end I learned that people are people and do what they do because of it. I learned that I put my trust in somebody that wasn't able to handle it. I learned how much of my ego and pride I would put down to pursue what is important to me. I learned at what cost I would pursue being me. I learned it because of the stark contrasts - the light and dark so to speak.

I learned that I was "right" to face my fears rather than walk away from them. There were times I needed to be "right", but now, I just don't. I know what happened. It happened. I know what I would do. I did it. It's over now, at least for me. There will be more of course, but it's not the big impact it had before. It's just something to deal with (hard to get her to go away; she must be at a different place in this than me.) I know I'll have some things to deal with with my kids. I hate it for them. But I thank God every day for me and my life.

I am learning more and more to forgive. Just when I think I have it, I find that I have too much emotion left. At least that's how it was. It's not easy to forgive somebody who states they don't want to be forgiven. But it is possible. It is worth it.

I learned the value of forgiveness, where before I thought I knew what it was all about. It's clear to me now. At least, it is for now right?

I believe you have come a long way Antonia. Sadly, your ex has not. You are very different now but that's because of the actions you took during a difficult time. Actions that show your character, even if you're not seeing it the same way I am. You equate it to your pride and ego. I say it's your integrity and beliefs that led you to act the way you did. I say it's because you were in to stay. I admire that. I also admire that you were able to walk away and heal yourself. To become better rather than bitter. To be able to remember and yet not feel the pain of it like you did. I don't think we can forget, nor do I think it would be a good idea to forget. I think forgiveness is the only way out for us. Both the lbs and the mlcr.

Life is great, and if I wish it didn't take so long or so much disruption to really appreciate that. But that's how it is, right? Can't really see the light if we don't have darkness as a backdrop

Looking forward to reading the book, girl!

Peace,
AJ