Moving forward with my life

[cbtdad]

Hahaha!! I was writing my post before I saw yours Accuray.
I think I came to he conclusion.
Now here's the question. What do I text her to convey that?

[Jeack]

Acc,

Is a pure genius. If you think that she has exposed all her cards to you. Your mistaken. Leave a little chase or confusion on her. If you tell her right now how you found out, she gonna be more pissed than if she knew the truth.

[Jeack]

I think she is concerned that people are talking about it and that they are judging her.
She says she feels like she is choosing wrong in every regard even when it comes to friends. She said she doesn't know who to trust.
Here is the thing. There are people talkin about it. I've had a couple of people from barn she rides at say things. But details I got from snooping.

So it's safe to say she's not thinking about how this impacts you at all right, she's just worried about what 3rd parties think of what she's doing -- she's worried about being embarrassed, it's all about her and not about you at all.

Therefore, you gain nothing by telling her how you found out. You just give her a reason to get angry at you and further justify what she is doing.

To the degree you will play "the bad guy" it makes it easier for her to rationalize what she's doing. Let her wonder.

MWD does not believe you should expose your spouse's affair because of the resentment it generates. There are other sites on the internet from other experts who DO recommend exposing affairs, simply because it helps them to end more quickly when the veil of secrecy is removed.

If your W believes her affair is no longer a secret it is to your advantage. Do nothing to reassure her that "only you could find out" or to help her conceal it in any way.

Just don't address it at all. She doesn't address all your questions does she? She only addresses the ones that are convenient for her. Does this make her more interesting, or less interesting to you? Get that working in your direction!

How did you become such a man of words Acc.

[Accuray]

Making mistakes, Jeack, I learn the hard way!

cbtdad, you don't have to text her anything. Let her keep asking and ignore it.

Tell her you don't want to discuss it, change the subject.

Not answering her texts is okay -- she's having an affair, you owe her nothing.

Be friendly, be cordial, demonstrate what a good guy you are and how great your life is, but do it from a distance.

You can't give her enough space right now.

Accuray

[cbtdad]

Thanks Accuray. Space is definitely what I want right is which is why I don't want to even get into a discussion now.
My concern is tomorrow. At the end of today when I left I said we would discuss everything tomorrow. I'll just change the subject or ignore it

[cbtdad]

Just gonna be hard to ignore when I see her tomorrow. I either wanted to email her tonight or have something ready to say.
Like there is no reason to discuss these things right now

[MrCAS]

Ah... Experience. Experience comes from using good judgment which comes from using bad judgment.

[Grizz]

Nice MrCAS.

[uRworthy]

Sorry guys, late to the party.

C, who cares if she's angry? What is she gonna do? I mean really?

First of all, you want to know why she lied to you? Um, because she is having an affair, no? And she is not sure what she wants to do about you,hence the lies. I dont think there is anything more to it than that.

She lied, you know it. End of that story, right?

As far as telling her how you know. Not a good idea. As Acc said, gives her ammunition to aim anger at you and then it becomes about that.

And you dont owe her an explanation. Your business how you found out. I get the total honesty thing and that can come much later if you reconnect. And that has to go both ways.

Dont keep bringing up stuff. Is it really necessary for her to go to IC now about co-parenting?

I just think that all this is not giving her or you the space you need right now.

I dont think you should talk to her about how you found out. But if you feel you must, just say, you dont want to discuss it at this time.

She cant force you, right?

Space, time, focus on you. Move forward. You know the drill.

Get to gettin'.

[MrCAS]

Sometimes one has to compromise a value for the good of what will be best served in the long run. Personally, I see you telling your W where you learned this could be devastating. Since you saw it on her computer at M-I-L's, that could damage the relationship between W and M-I-L.

Just a thought...