I think she is concerned that people are talking about it and that they are judging her. She says she feels like she is choosing wrong in every regard even when it comes to friends. She said she doesn't know who to trust. Here is the thing. There are people talkin about it. I've had a couple of people from barn she rides at say things. But details I got from snooping.
So it's safe to say she's not thinking about how this impacts you at all right, she's just worried about what 3rd parties think of what she's doing -- she's worried about being embarrassed, it's all about her and not about you at all.
Therefore, you gain nothing by telling her how you found out. You just give her a reason to get angry at you and further justify what she is doing.
To the degree you will play "the bad guy" it makes it easier for her to rationalize what she's doing. Let her wonder.
MWD does not believe you should expose your spouse's affair because of the resentment it generates. There are other sites on the internet from other experts who DO recommend exposing affairs, simply because it helps them to end more quickly when the veil of secrecy is removed.
If your W believes her affair is no longer a secret it is to your advantage. Do nothing to reassure her that "only you could find out" or to help her conceal it in any way.
Just don't address it at all. She doesn't address all your questions does she? She only addresses the ones that are convenient for her. Does this make her more interesting, or less interesting to you? Get that working in your direction!
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
