Divorced-not done-But wondering ?

[JJAC2005]

Steps of Detachment...
You find it hard to let go of because it is addictive
The other is emotionally unavailable to you
Coercive, threatening, intimidating to you
Punitive or abusive to you
Non-productive and non-reinforcing for you
Smothering you
Other is overly dependent on you
You are overly dependent on the other
Other has the power to impact your feelings about yourself
Relationship in which you are a chronic fixer, rescuer or enabler
Relationship in which your obligation and loyalty won't allow you to let go
Other appears helpless, lost and out of control
Other is self-destructive or suicidal
Other has an addictive disease
Relationship in which you are being manipulated and conned
When guilt is a major motivating factor preventing your letting go and detaching
Relationship in which you have a fantasy or dream that the other will come around and change to be what you want
Relationship in which you and the other are competitive for control
Relationship in which there is no forgiveness or forgetting and all past hurts are still brought up to hurt one another
Relationship in which your needs and wants are ignored


STEP TWO
Once you have identified the persons you have a toxic relationship with, then you need to take each one individually and work through the following steps.

STEP THREE
Identify the irrational beliefs in the toxic relationship which prevent you from becoming detached. Address these beliefs and replace them with healthy, more rational ones.

STEP FOUR
Identify all of the reasons why you are being hurt and your physical, emotional and spiritual health is being threatened by the relationship.

STEP FIVE
Accept and admit to yourself that the other person is "sick," "dysfunctional" or "irrational," and that no matter what you say, do or demand, you will not be able to control or change this reality. Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you. All others are the unchangeable's in life. Change your expectations that things will be better than what they really are. Hand these people over to your Higher Power and let go of the need to change them.

STEP SIX
Work out reasons why there is no need to feel guilt over letting go and being emotionally detached from this relationship and free yourself from guilt as you let go of the emotional "hooks" in the relationship.

STEP SEVEN
Affirm yourself as being a person who "deserves" healthy, wholesome, health-engendering relationships in your life. You are a good person and deserve healthy relationships at home, at work, and in the community.

STEP EIGHT
Gain support for yourself as you begin to let go of your emotional enmeshment with these relationships.

STEP NINE
Continue to call upon your Higher Power for the strength to continue to let go and detach.

STEP TEN
Continue to give no person, place or thing the power to affect or impact your feelings about yourself.

STEP ELEVEN
Continue to detach and let go and work at self-recovery and self-healing.