1) I wouldn't let him buy a house with community funds without you seeing it - what if it is a terrible money pit that will end up eating up your resources?
2) I think if he's spending money on a second home you should be talking to an attorney ASAP. I know you have had reasons why you thought it best to stay married, but unless you're interested in polygamy, I think it's time to draw some serious boundaries, and protect yourself financially.
So long as he can indulge his fantasy with no consequences from you, he'll keep on cake-eating.
