BANG! Bomb Drop Number Two

[mrtwopointfour]

Hello All, it took a bit longer to reply than I thought. Had a good time GALing and didn't get around to coming back to here until now, which I take as a good sign.

I think all of what has been said is very true, and I can take a lot from this

Do you want to "push it forward"?

I regards to D, no. I don't. I must admit thought after BD2 i feel like its pushed me away from my W more, and helped me detach a little. I've been able to think less about my W and more about me. I do have the feeling hanging over me about her trip away soon, but I have to ignore that. I can't stop her going and can't control what she gets up to right?

W continues to replay life from just before we met. Going out and getting very drunk, listening to music from this time, etc. I think this is the period she feels she was most happy. Us meeting was not what she was looking for, but we just feel in love with each other, and not long after this is where she claims her life started going wrong and where she made the wrong decisions. So i guess her going back to just before then would make sense.

We had a family day today, one which W suggested we did, but when it came to it this morning she was less than happy to go, she did not say anything but I could just tell. However, as the day went on she let her guard down and we had fun. Fun like we used to have, and by the end of the day she has lightened up a lot, smiling and laughing, and at points it looked like she almost had to stop herself getting caught in the moment and forgetting where she was. No expectations from this at all. I played it very cool all day, and did not pursue, in fact I pushed the fact that we went our own way as part of the day out (ie each taking one of the kids off to different places), but she was the one that made physical contact (non loving, just to help me navigate around something), we even shared finding things funny!

Now all I have to do is make sure I do not relax. This is what happens when things feel better again. I relax, start to pursue or forget the challenge ahead, and it pushes her away again. I just need to tell myself.

My W wants D
My W does not love me right now
My W is emotionally unstable
My W loves an OM
My W see's no future together
My W may just be more friendly as she feels I am happy with our sitch

I am okay with this. I just want to get on with MY life now, and if she follows then even better. Lets hope I can keep this PMA up for a few weeks. That way when she does go away, she will be leaving behind a H only a fool would leave. And whether she is meeting a friend or OM, the picture she leaves behind will be me at my best.

Can I ask - does anybody elses MLCer say they don't feel like the house they are living in is their home? I wish my W did not feel like she can not live here anymore, I know she feels trapped her, maybe that's it.

Mizjjd, a quick summary on my sitch so you don't have to read the whole lot. We do live together, but never spend evenings together, but do spend a lot of time together with kids. We eat together, and talk a lot early evening. We do both go out every other night or so (not together). Our work is connected so going dim in the day is tricky. I try not to make contact most of the time, unless i need to. Weekends we tend to spend the most time together, and I feel this is more for the kids, but we try and do our own things. Hope that helps a little?