DBing European Style, part 2

[Papa4Life]

Hi Stander. She didn't mean anti-depressants, because she knows I've been on anti-depressants for the past six or seven years. No, I know she meant illicit drugs, and probably because I have completely stopped the pursuing behavior.

At the mediation session, I said that while this wasn't my idea and I resisted for some time, I'm comfortable with whatever decision she needs to make if it means she can be happy. No more pressure. No more pleading and expectations.

W left this morning again for her 3 day, 2 night management course (five 'sessions' in total). The past two times, W has given me a peck on the cheek before she left and that sent me over the moon each time. Today, though, I didn't even get out of the car when I dropped her off. Not out of spite or disinterest -- just a genuine understanding that it's not what she wants, now and maybe ever. And I'm fine with that. I really do wish her well.

Today, the big kids were home with me (school vacation) and the twins went to day care. I had hoped to do something fun, but I got some work in and finances are just too tight to skip out on work when it's available (which thankfully it has been over the past weeks). Kids understood. I arranged for them to have a sleepover with the cousins tomorrow night, and that always puts them in good spirits. I took them out for dinner, which all 4 of them enjoyed, and since all of them were in a playful mood, we played hide and seek in the house and silly dance contest for good measure. They were so wound up it took 4 extra books to finally get the twins settled down enough to hit the hay. Man I love those little rascals.

So, spirits are good. Detachment proceeds apace. At the rate W is going, D will be final before we find separate living arrangements, but we do what we can. W wants to tell them about the D at the end of this month. The day after what is still technically our 12th wedding anniversary. I'm glad I've got a visit home to the States planned the following week, because I've always quite dreaded the idea of telling the kids. Still, I'm determined to help them get through this. I want to show them an example of someone who carries on with dignity and joy despite a sad situation. Everything I do now, I do for them. And I do that by also focussing a lot on me.