Hey FY, what's up with you getting on moderation again? LOL!
Hey, careful there... Don't be jinxing me!
Wife at BD:
Originally Posted By: MLC W
"Even if I fall flat on my face and end up in a worse spot, I feel like I have to try." (dump me and move out on her own and date other men to find true passion for once in her life)
Then UR got me thinking about this again when she posted the following in T^2's thread a few days back.
Originally Posted By: UR
I think that for most mlcers, there is a need to see it through.
BD was over a year ago, W doesn't seem to be going anywhere, and is not involved in an affair. Yet she still sleeps in the guest room and shows no interest in getting physical with me.
Frankly, I'm more likely to end this M than she is.
So my questions are: 1. Does she still have to "see it through", before coming around to love me again?
2. Once the time comes, what is the best way to tell her I'm not staying in a sexless marriage? (maybe I need to read SSM)
3. Since she's still here, (and not complaining about me) she must be getting something out of the R. Would me BD'ing her wake her up?
4. Or do I just continue to suck it up and soldier on and see what happens?
Thanks everyone.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
My wife and I joined W's brother and fiance last night to visit their aunt for Christmas. Yes, Christmas. Exchanged gifts, had a nice dinner, lots of joking around, even took a group pic where W's and my arms were around each others waist with big smiles on our faces. Most touching we've had in months. Keeping up appearances! Yay!
W offered my services to install a new kitchen faucet for her aunt. So I did, and wife helped. She handed me tools, held the faucet while I tightened it, etc. At one point I told her aunt who was watching, "Isn't W a great helper? So cute too." She laughed but W didn't like it and made a funny face.
When we got home she thanked me for doing it.
W left early this morning for her 4 night resort trip to Cancun with single GF. I got up to see her off... no hug. Maybe I scared her because I didn't put any pants on?
I had lots to do today, mow lawn, visit FIL, play with my new bike, look for new car for W. Hers is over due for replacement, I'm tired of working on it and putting $$ into it. She wants a convertible or other sporty car! Funny thing is, it has to be safe. I said "I thought you were no longer afraid to die?" She said it depends on the day!
I already received the first email update from W. (we don't use cell phones) "We're here, just getting settled in". I expect I'll get an update every day or two. On my own until Thursday.
She said a few weeks ago that we'll do one of her discount all inclusive trips for our 30th anniversary in June, so my plan now is to try to hold off on my #2 and #3 above at least until after then, to see how the anniversary trip goes. I hope I make it 'til then!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Hey FY, what's up with you getting on moderation again? LOL!
Oops, my bad. LOL!
Wife at BD:
Originally Posted By: MLC W
Which brought this question to my mind: They Always Have To Crash and Burn?
No they dont, FY. Often enough that is the case, though.
Originally Posted By: UR
I think that for most mlcers, there is a need to see it through.
Just what I have seen the last 6 years. Though there are certainly those who recommitt without seeing it through.
You wife is a strange on, FY. Not sure I see the point of what she is doing.
So my questions are: 1. Does she still have to "see it through", before coming around to love me again? Again, she may not have to. The passage of time and your changes can make her love you again. She can certainly wake up and see what a great guy you are. There is always hope.
2. Once the time comes, what is the best way to tell her I'm not staying in a sexless marriage? (maybe I need to read SSM) I dont have any real experience with that. But I always think simple, direct and honest is the way to go.
3. Since she's still here, (and not complaining about me) she must be getting something out of the R. Would me BD'ing her wake her up? I would imagine she is. Gotta tell you, it's a little strange that she is planning a trip for your anniversary.
I hope I am not overstepping here. If I am, I apologize if I am. Has she gone through menopause? Can this be a part of that? Sometimes women lose interest in sex when going through it
4. Or do I just continue to suck it up and soldier on and see what happens? I would say, since you clearly still love your wife, that you try as long as you can. You'll know when you no longer can. There will be no doubt in your mind.
As I said, she does have me scratching my head a bit.
I also feel that you might want to think about doing something different in the future. Might need to shake things up a little, ya know?
Gotta tell you, it's a little strange that she is planning a trip for your anniversary.
We still do family events together.
Last year W said she didn't feel like doing anything for our anniversary, but we had a groupon for an overnight B&B/ spa that was about to expire, so I suggested we use it. There was quite a bit of tension on that trip. This year's A will be better, I think. Maybe this is progress.
Part of it may be she wants to keep up appearances. Everyone will want to know what we are doing for our 30th. Plus, these trips cost us very little. We used to do them at least once a year.
Quote:
I hope I am not overstepping here. If I am, I apologize if I am. Has she gone through menopause? Can this be a part of that? Sometimes women lose interest in sex when going through it.
No, but I know she fears it's right around the corner. She's always had a low sex drive.
Quote:
As I said, she does have me scratching my head a bit.
I wish I could say the same. I'm pullin' my hair out over here!
Quote:
I also feel that you might want to think about doing something different in the future. Might need to shake things up a little, ya know?
Yeah, like #2 or #3.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I hope I am not overstepping here. If I am, I apologize if I am. Has she gone through menopause? Can this be a part of that? Sometimes women lose interest in sex when going through it
And sometimes men do too!
Why do you think there are women on this board and the SSM board?
Is there a difference though between losing interest in sex and losing interest in sex with your spouse? Or can they be one in the same due to hormone changes and/or depression?
Oh, and hi FY! Still keeping up on your sitch
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
ur doing great
