Well, I have not posted in several weeks, mainly because my sitch has improved greatly. We have found a new normal in our relationship. In fact, my W told me she loved me last week without any prompting on my part -- in other words, I didn't say it first. It's been at least 6 months since I've heard that from her.
Is it as good as I would like? Yes and no. There is still this lingering insecurity in my head. It is difficult for me to think that a few months ago she was contemplating separation and even divorce, and now all is good. I think my W is definitely going through a MLC and she has settled some issues in her mind, but not all.
For example, my W wants to return to university to get a MS and start a new career (related to her current one). This would involve her leaving to a University a 3-hr drive away for 1 year. She would then do 1 year of training. Overall the financial hit would be enormous due to 2 years of her not having an income, paying tuition, and paying for an apartment while she is at school. BTW, we have young 3 girls. I told her I supported her, and it was her decision. We have not discussed all the implications. I think we both know or think that it is unlikely to happen.
My W is also desparate to make more friends. For the most part, this has not been working out very well for her. Having moved to a new area, it is difficult because by our age most people who live here have established their social circles and I notice that many people are not that interested in expanding it.
My W is also continuing the spend like money is no issue.
Me, I continue to GAL with my hobbies; I continue to give W space; I don't complain, although in some cases, such as cleaning the house or cooking, I would like to! (last week I cooked twice, W not once, she took kids to dinner 2 nights that I was late due to GAL activities and on 5th night we did leftovers); I avoid pursuit behavior; and I continue my 180s. I think many of my 180s are now part of me, so slipping to old ways is unlikely.
In 2 weeks is our 22nd anniversary. I'm not sure what we'll do. We will do something, at least dinner at a restuarant. I'm also not sure what to get her. I will send flowers to her office -- this is a 180 because I almost never sent her flowers in 22 years and I realize she really appreciates it. Her love language is gifts.
So in summary, I think I am cautiously transitioning to piecing. However, we have not really discussed our relationship. I wonder if my W will want to? It seems to me as if she wants to forget the last 6 months. I'm also thinking through what I need for me to be satisfied that we're on a new track.
When we talked somewhat briefly about our R several weeks ago, I mentioned that the W wearing her engagement and wedding rings would make me feel loved. She has not worn the rings in about 2 years. She does wear a ring, but one she bought herself and that has other significance for her. She cried when I said this, and mentioned that I never wore my ring and that I even lost it. This was 20 years ago, a real bone-head move, and I never realized how much it meant to her. I mention this because this week, I saw that she added our wedding band to her finger. I see this as a very positive step. I wonder should I mention it?
