Harder and harder

[Positivespin]

Its receiving emails like this from my W that act as a speedbump to my success;

Hello, I had been thinking about taking a trip in July, but now I am looking into possibly going in June from June 7-15. Are you able to take care of D3 then? I will check with my mom because she said when I am away she can help out more. The following weekend I can take D3 while you go to (concert). Also, D3 has a dentist appointment June 12 at 8.

That is the email

My response 5 hours later;

"That sounds fine. I have a mtg that wed but will arrange for sitter if I need too"

Why does this bother me so much?

This email sounds like D3 is this "Obligation" that must be dealt with. It makes me want to puke.

My response was GOING TO BE

"Thank you for volunteering to watch your daughter on concert night. Im sure youl work it around your schedule as im certain we wont see you for more then your 2 evenings that week"

and I WANTED to add

Does it make you feel "Good enough" when you have to set your alarm to remind you to call your daughter - and when you actually do - she doesnt want to say hello to you?

No guilt trips and no nastiness- so I vented here....Thank you all

Last night I gave D3 a tubby then we read books and i tucked her in (in her bed). About an hour later I hear D3s feet pitter patter upstairs. I wait 20 minutes then walk upstairs where I find a snoring little lump of love in my bed. I pick her up and carry her back to her bed and tuck her back in. I wake up this morning in my bed next to a snoring little lump...........

Yesterday, we went out to brunch, flew a kite, helped my friend with cancer (grocery shopping, house cleaning), then came home to a big old home- just the two of us.

The range of emotions are all present hate,disgust, mourning, sadness, loneliness and fear of unknown.

Mothers day is coming up; Im thinking D3 will give mom a card and a small gift card ($25-35) to a local nursery- maybe they can spend some time together planting some flowers.

Since last Wed ive been feeling pretty light- headed so I decided no push-ups, sit ups, weights over the weekend. Instead I did 2 5K's (Walking). I am hoping to keep up the fatburn and calm down the back spasims.

Lesson ive learned - Im feeling tired but know that every single response I deliver will be emotion fueled and result in a setback

You ROCK folks- Thanks for the love!