Harder and harder

[ChrisN]

PS,

Youre positive attitude is a great model for all of us. Our situations are a little different, but, have a D pretty much the sme age.. So that hits home with me. I try to be the best Dad I can too..even when I'm down...she lifts me up..she's the world!

Hope you're good today and I'll keep following.

[Positivespin]

Its receiving emails like this from my W that act as a speedbump to my success;

Hello, I had been thinking about taking a trip in July, but now I am looking into possibly going in June from June 7-15. Are you able to take care of D3 then? I will check with my mom because she said when I am away she can help out more. The following weekend I can take D3 while you go to (concert). Also, D3 has a dentist appointment June 12 at 8.

That is the email

My response 5 hours later;

"That sounds fine. I have a mtg that wed but will arrange for sitter if I need too"

Why does this bother me so much?

This email sounds like D3 is this "Obligation" that must be dealt with. It makes me want to puke.

My response was GOING TO BE

"Thank you for volunteering to watch your daughter on concert night. Im sure youl work it around your schedule as im certain we wont see you for more then your 2 evenings that week"

and I WANTED to add

Does it make you feel "Good enough" when you have to set your alarm to remind you to call your daughter - and when you actually do - she doesnt want to say hello to you?

No guilt trips and no nastiness- so I vented here....Thank you all

Last night I gave D3 a tubby then we read books and i tucked her in (in her bed). About an hour later I hear D3s feet pitter patter upstairs. I wait 20 minutes then walk upstairs where I find a snoring little lump of love in my bed. I pick her up and carry her back to her bed and tuck her back in. I wake up this morning in my bed next to a snoring little lump...........

Yesterday, we went out to brunch, flew a kite, helped my friend with cancer (grocery shopping, house cleaning), then came home to a big old home- just the two of us.

The range of emotions are all present hate,disgust, mourning, sadness, loneliness and fear of unknown.

Mothers day is coming up; Im thinking D3 will give mom a card and a small gift card ($25-35) to a local nursery- maybe they can spend some time together planting some flowers.

Since last Wed ive been feeling pretty light- headed so I decided no push-ups, sit ups, weights over the weekend. Instead I did 2 5K's (Walking). I am hoping to keep up the fatburn and calm down the back spasims.

Lesson ive learned - Im feeling tired but know that every single response I deliver will be emotion fueled and result in a setback

You ROCK folks- Thanks for the love!

[jp787]

PS,
To be honest... That email sounded really fair to me.
She Came to you first to look after D, let you know that she would watch her on the night of your concert and reminded you of a dentist appointment.

Now that is how I read it and see it from my sitch, I am guessing you are seeing it from her not spending time with your D.

I do see a lot of resentment and anger in your post.

I applaud you for sending the email reply that you did and posting your frustration here! Way to go!

I am having a hard day myself, this stuff is just plain hard man!

Keep at it!

Love how you love your D.

[Positivespin]

JP

Your right- The email sounds fair. The problem begins when I see her name as the sender and the anxiety begins....

I open it, read it, over analyze it, begin drafting a response and exhaust myself.

I hate the reminder that she is still out there.

[jp787]

JP

Your right- The email sounds fair. The problem begins when I see her name as the sender and the anxiety begins....

I open it, read it, over analyze it, begin drafting a response and exhaust myself.

I hate the reminder that she is still out there.

I get the same feeling when I see that she has texted me.

I get to see her tonight for a band concert, already having anxiety. It's really crazy for me, I dread seeing her because when I do it just makes me want her and miss her more.

I am still at, if she were to ask me to jump, I would say how high. Need to get to where I say, I don't think I can this time, but thanks for asking.

[RealityTrip]

Hey PS. Checking in. You asked yourself why the email bothered you so much... JP was right, IMO it was fair.

But... If I try to put myself in your shoes and the context of being the parent that's trying to hold it all together, I think I can understand why your gut reaction was emotional.

How are you feeling about your W taking a trip? Since she began with that, could this have influenced the way you interpreted the rest of the email?

Great control in your email response!

[ChrisN]

Hey PS,

Just checking in to send thoughts and support. My Zd is about the same age as yours. I know how you feel, going through a lot of the same emotions....hang in there...keep talking here, you inspire me with your positive attitude!

[Positivespin]

I muttered " Im soooooooooo done with this" this morning for prob the 3rd time since this started.

This happened as I was on the final leg of the 75 minute out of the way commute I have now because im trying to keep D3's family together......My MIL watches D3 two days a week. MIL house is right on the way to W's office.Its the complete wrong way for me. Ive made the commitment to myself to keep D3's schedule as unchanged as I can. I had a moment of weakness - now I have a much improved frame of reference.

Last evening when I picked up D3 at day care she was playing with dolls and a dollhouse. I asked her if I could join and D3's face lit up "Yes daddy- sit down here next to me".

D3 was in the middle of putting all the dolls to bed. She showed them all to me and lastly she said "This is the mommy and daddy dolly" " They sleep here in the big bed because they love each other".............

Oh that choked me up!

As to the email from yesterday JP and RT you are right it was fair.........

However, I read it from the perspective of my W telling me many times how nice she thinks it would be to not have to think about D3 every other weekend or only a few days a week.

My W will now be gone mem day weekend on a trip to NYC and for that week to CA- She is living it up....I dont know if she is taking someone or which one it will be- and im better not knowing.

Im focused on myself. Im at my strongest and most effective when I stay that course. It knocks me off course when im asked to help make her new life just that little bit better or easier.

Thanks JP and RT!

[jp787]

I muttered " Im soooooooooo done with this" this morning for prob the 3rd time since this started.

Only 3 times so far? Dang man your good! I think that every other day! Actually I slipped and texted " F-it, I'm done" to wife during a text conversation this last weekend. I believe she knows I was just venting, yet I know those words stay in her mind. I have to stop that!

This happened as I was on the final leg of the 75 minute out of the way commute I have now because im trying to keep D3's family together......My MIL watches D3 two days a week. MIL house is right on the way to W's office.Its the complete wrong way for me. Ive made the commitment to myself to keep D3's schedule as unchanged as I can. I had a moment of weakness - now I have a much improved frame of reference.

Last evening when I picked up D3 at day care she was playing with dolls and a dollhouse. I asked her if I could join and D3's face lit up "Yes daddy- sit down here next to me".

D3 was in the middle of putting all the dolls to bed. She showed them all to me and lastly she said "This is the mommy and daddy dolly" " They sleep here in the big bed because they love each other".............

Oh that choked me up!

Nothing but honestly from that age! That must have been tough!

As to the email from yesterday JP and RT you are right it was fair.........

However, I read it from the perspective of my W telling me many times how nice she thinks it would be to not have to think about D3 every other weekend or only a few days a week.

My W will now be gone mem day weekend on a trip to NYC and for that week to CA- She is living it up....I dont know if she is taking someone or which one it will be- and im better not knowing.

Im focused on myself. Im at my strongest and most effective when I stay that course. It knocks me off course when im asked to help make her new life just that little bit better or easier.

Thanks JP and RT!

I can see how your frustrated about W and her choices and rightly so. Man all you can do is focus on you until she wakes up.

Glad to see you are coming right back up from the lows. It really puts a smile on my face when you talk about your interaction with your D. She sure is one loved little girl!

Keep plugging away!

[Tallula]

I'm going to read up on your sitch. Ours seems very simliar. Multiple OP. Young kids. I'm pregnant...weeee!