Mana, Mana! Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo! Part 2

[Tallula]

Hey, friends!!

So, life has just been ticking along. My H is still being remorseful, more helpful with the kids and I keep getting firmer in my belief that my marriage is over.

By moving further away from the emotional rollercoaster of dealing with a spouse in a affair...or in my case, as spouse that cheats with anyone...I see that an affair is a deal breaker for me. I believe that even one would be. Because regardless if my H was remoseful (which he has become. confessed EVERYTHING to me the last week and is begging me to let him come home...NOPE!), does a 180, gives me transparency, the whole nine, I will never trust him again. I will always feel the sting of that betrayal, of the abuse. And today, I feel that cheating is abuse. Plain and simple. I deserve someone who will love me completely and not abuse me. I'd rather be alone. My kids will be fine. Now I'm just working on me and continuing to be the best mom and person I can be, and to ensure that I pick a better mate next time.

We are, however, contemplating him physically moving back into the home in the basement bedroom. Financially, we can not support 2 households and I don't want to divorce and be financially ruined. We both go to IC tonight. We have spoken about the boundaries he would need to uphold. My personal plan would be to fix up the house, sell it, then we could both move to separate homes and divorce. I worry about the impact to the kids, him moving back in only to move out again, but the housing market really [censored] around us and it could be a long time before we could have the house ready to sell anyway. Otherwise, he finds a close to free place to live (um, do you know of those) or I move in with the kids to my parents.

We have a month to figure it out. I'm praying and really trying to be very mindful of our decision. I'm going to read up on everyone, hope you are all well.