Understand. I'm the communicator in the house, my wife tends to be more on the quite side. I communicate I think o-k... I can definitely do better though.
My W is a HORRIBLE communicator. I didn't realize until RetroV that because of it, I had been engaging in extensive mind-reading. She wouldn't tell me anything, so I was guessing. And RetroV taught me that I was almost always guessing wrong. I wish we had done RetroV years ago, it gives some great communication tools and I really believe it would have saved our M. Unfortunately for us it was too late by the time we did go.
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but I have a HORRIBLE habit of dominating the conversation. Wow, that was just an epiphany. Maybe I am a little too domineering.
I think that, like me, you were just doing the best you could when dealing with a poor communicator. Don't be too hard on yourself, I doubt that's what brought your M to this place.
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I honestly don't like that she doesn't see that we have both contributed to the degredation of our marriage but all she see's is me and I don't want to start to resent her.
Believe me, we ALL wish our WAS could see their contributions and that it's not all the LBS's fault. But they can't, they're in a fog and they don't see clearly.
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yet I can't motivate myself out of a wet paper towel right now.
Totally normal to feel that way. Just try to remember, this isn't the real you. This is a you that is sad/ depressed because of your sitch. The real you will come back, but you've got to be patient because it takes time to recover. I was in that deep, dark pit of despair mere months ago, but today I'm happier and more content then I've been in many years, since well before BD in fact. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your M. Then work on yourself. In time your W may look back, and by then hopefully she'll see a strong, confident you that is content in life whether living it with or without her.
